Dear Kelley, I have been on an 8 month journey trying to heal from a breakup. The person who has my heart and soul has moved 2 thousand miles away, and I have been trying through meditation, soul searching, and reflection to divine the outcome of us. Before he left, he said he would be back for me. He occasionally still says he loves me, but likes where he is for right now. I would wait for him forever–I feel that strongly our link. Am I fooling myself? Thank you.
You are not fooling yourself. The feelings are real, the connection with this man is real. So is that the two of you are not in the same place, literally or figuratively. There is nothing wrong with being in different places, on any level. You have done an excellent job respecting his space and his need to find his place in the world. You have been very tolerant and in your way, nurturing of him to do this. However, for you, holding on to a relationship that is not for the most part indicating a green light is very significant.
I have a sense of there being an energy block that is associated with manifesting deep romantic relationships in your life, or at least with being “stuck” with this one man. I am seeing that this block for you is related to your heart chakra, which oddly enough, traditionally appears as a glowing green light. When I look at yours, I see pink light, which tells me that you energetically do not have the go-ahead on this relationship. The pink light indicates to me that you have a great deal of Goddess energy sitting with you right now, but it has stopped at your heart. It has not been moved through your entire chakra system, which it must do. When energy stops at a chakra and doesn’t pass through, it creates a block in the energy flow, and in your life. Heart chakra blocks tend to revolve around issues of love, specifically compassion for All Things. This Goddess energy that is sitting in your heart is a wonderful thing, but it needs to be manifest. With it “stuck” here, issues are cropping up in your life.
Before I continue with the reading, I will explain a very general bit about the chakra system. In this channel down your spine are 7 primary chakras, or bridges that connect you to All That Is. Each bridge, or chakra, resonates to a different level of being, different qualities, different aspects of the Universes. Through this channel your life force (chi, prana, ki, energy…) flows from above the top of your head (crown) to the base of the spine (root), from Spirit. Life force also flows from the root upward to the crown, into All That Is (Spirit). What these unique currents of energy accomplish is key. The life force flowing into you from Spirit allows you to “harness” your power. In manifesting that power, you consciously return that energy to all of life by making all of your actions dedicated to it. At a simplistic level, that intake/outtake is how your chakra system works.
When you have a block, such as one at the heart chakra, it helps to identify where that block is occurring–on the way in (empowering) or on the way out (manifesting). This block for you lies in manifesting. You do not have a problem finding love and identifying it. You are aware of the way love moves in your life. However, there is something constricting your ability to truly allow it to come into being in the highest way that it can for you.
Examining this pink light at your heart, it feels very related to being in touch with Goddess from a mothering standpoint. By mothering, I mean nurture, standing back as the disciplined one in an arrangement, as the figure who will do the right thing when called to action. The thing is, this being the responsible one for everyone else, this standing back “waiting” behaviour is creating a block in your life force, and in your life. The time of waiting has passed. The occulation of Venus in Gemini has reconnected an incredible Crone Goddess power to the planet, and She’s in no holding pattern. She’s the mature Feminine Divine, and She’s got a mess to clean up in terms of our understanding of the Crone, the Great Mother, and Goddess. Our collective understanding of the Feminine Divine tends to be dark and identified with the shadow. She has been outcast from our cultures in any positive light, for the most part. As a result, we have lost our ability to value the elderly, wise “tough love” attributed to women who have the experience to know what time it is. That is no coincidence. The thing is, we have to be able to hold ALL of these archetypes–shadow, wise woman, self-effacing mother… and work through them at our own pace and peace to the fullness of holding our own Divine Feminine within.
You have already allowed this Goddess energy into your life force, but it’s not moved all the way through to your root, and it’s definitely not being reflected out in your actions. Do a bit of reading about the chakras, and in your meditative space visualize this energy around your heart, moving it down to the base of your spine. Connect to all the feelings, sensations and thoughts that come up while you do this. They will give you further indication of where your power lies, and of where it needs further attention. An excellent meditation on how to move it up the spine (to manifest) is Tom Kenyon’s “The Magdalen Manuscript” and the accompanying CD. This type of movement into manifestation is exactly what the book and CD meditations were created for. When you can move that powerful Goddess energy through you, and manifest it in your life, you are not going to stand by for anything. You will see that green light, and hold that pink Goddess aura all through your being. You won’t have to react from a defensive shadow, or defenseless maid, but from within your own place of balanced creation and manifestation. In short, you will know what you truly want, and that you shall have, because you will create it. I don’t know if this man will be part of what you create. But I do know that when you work with this energy, you will no longer question if you should wait. Be well!