Hi Kelley. I am five months pregnant and at a crossroads. I am wearied and diminished by the father’s seeming inability to commit to family life and take responsibility. I know that I can’t take his “‘no future as a couple” mantra, or endure the times when he backtracks and uses hope to toy with me. Is he just terrified but likely to ease into fatherhood and a proper relationship with me, or is he a controlling Peter Pan figure best avoided for my own well being and the child’s ? Thanks, Joanne.
Hi Joanne. Thanks for your note. Your past interaction with the father really has nothing to do with a future romantic relationship with him. The soul needing to come in chose both of you to be its parents, and not by chance. It’s easy to break down into the mundane dynamics of a child needing two parents, the parents needing to be together, what their relationship should be. What’s more relevant is that along with its personal objectives, this soul brings powerful healing for you both, if you can be open to receiving it. How well each of you takes heed of the wise little one or honors its path will come down to the integrity of the relationship of each with the child, not your relationship with each other. I don’t see you and the father staying together romantically, and that’s fine. What is critical is that this little one’s truth be honored by you both.
This soul is very happy to be coming in, specifically at this time. Many souls are being called to form in the Earth realm to help us transition to a wider awareness, and this soul is a very evolved being. It’s been in the Earth realm before and is quite versed in the dynamics here. Because this being has been here many times, it has an agenda and a will to ‘kick ass and take names,’ so to speak, when it comes to demanding the highest intent from all in its familiar, having 0 tolerance for petty ego pursuits, and having a deep need to inspire others to live their best. This kid is going to hit the ground running, spiritually, and will challenge you to do the same. Remember that this child’s outbursts are a reaction to an atmosphere below its capabilities. Indeed, it will go through the developmental hurdles that all children do–tantrums and boundary testing. Keep in mind as you set parameters for accepted behaviour that while it reacts to not getting its way, it’s also dealing with the frustration of knowing a better way of doing things but can’t communicate that improvement. This doesn’t mean the kid’s always right, but to remember that there may be more driving its outbursts than hurt ego. Initially, its ability to fulfill its spiritual needs and life purpose here are directly reliant on your ability to create and hold the space for it to do just that.
To raise this child at the level it demands and functions best, you will have to stay focused on your self-work. It will be easy to think it’s your role to supervise and to some degree ‘parent’ the father, but it isn’t. He’s going to struggle with balanced involvement with the child. One of your challenges will be seeing his struggle for what it is–his own soul’s growth–and not interfere with it or criticize it. The more you judge the father, the less likely he will be to learn what he needs from the child, which recursively means the less effective the child can be in manifesting itself. Be brutally honest in leaving your ego and hurts at the door regarding your romantic past, and make your decisions about the father based only on the child’s best interests. Stay focused on your own path and resist the urge to micromanage the father. You have your hands full manifesting your own path.
No, your relationship with the father won’t suddenly become comfortably predictable, though by virtue of being parents to this gifted soul, it will deepen and grow. With the birth of any child, so are the parents reborn. Spend the rest of this pregnancy allowing the healing you need to stay focused on being the best you can be for yourself, for this child. Keep the focus on your own spiritual needs, staying attuned to meeting them, and your child will blossom.
Enjoy the process, Joanne!