Hello Kelley – I follow your column religiously. Four years back I met a man in his late twenties. When I met this man I had a strong sense that I had known him before. We were on again off again for three years….Now I fear that he will not return, but if he did I am not sure if it would be in my best interest to see him again, as he caused me horrific pain and heartbreak. Will you please let me know if you see us being together again, and if not, how I can make a break and move on with my life for good? Other aspects of my life have seemed to take off. It’s this one last aspect of my past that I need to reconcile. I feel you would be a great help to me if I could see this on a spiritual level. Thank you.

I have the sense from your guides that this man is your Twin Flame. Twin Flames–I think the term is a bit limiting, personally, but I’ll just give you the stock story on that and you can determine it for yourself– are the splitting of the masculine/feminine qualities of a soul into two balanced parts. This split occurs when a soul wants to find other ways to grow. Souls don’t necessarily acknowledge gender. Sexualization is very much a form-based observation of one way to grow as spirit in matter. You have to look at it in terms of masculine/feminine (yin/yang) qualities we ascribe TO gender, rather than boy/girl, male/female, penis/vagina. The Twin Flame concept is about the energetic qualities of polarities, and how those polarities work together to form a whole. The feminine is the creative aspect, literally the natural vessel for creative energy to thrive. The masculine is the active principle, inherently knowing how to expend energy. You can look at it as the feminine is the idea expressed through the masculine act, hence the blending of the two. It’s easy to see in how we live now just how far we’ve come from that natural base function… In western culture we harp too much on how genders differ, perhaps too much for them to truly come together (no pun) and work as a unit. The thing to note is, once the Twin Flames split, they each become their own whole, going out to grow in whatever ways that aspect needs to, each embodying the masculine and feminine. So even with Twin Flames, there’s not really this sense of incompletion on a spiritual level. It’s more about a tremendous fostering of growth. In fact, rarely, and I do mean RARELY have both souls incarnated at the same time. This Twin Flame “splitting” of the soul is the result of a huge energetic commitment, such that the meeting of them is as HUGE. In fact, it’s so huge, that energetic convergence is WHY they have rarely incarnated at the same time. Often one acts as a spiritual “anchor” in the spirit realm, a guide you could say, while the other is doing the growth curve thing in form. When they are both incarnate at the same time, AND they actually meet up… well, it can be explosive, as you seem to already know.

What does that mean in daily life? Well, with any soul connection, mate, twin, even guide to some degree… if you are not in the same place to flow into your work together, energetically speaking, it hurts like hell. You feel this kin resonance, you recognize the intensity of it, you feel the awe and beauty underlying it, yet you wonder with all these synced qualities, what in the world could make it so uncomfortable. Imagine that when you look at him, you are looking back at the summation of all YOUR lives. This other you, who has had its own share of life experience, hurts, traumas, KARMA… as well as bliss, passion, achievement… All these lives and experiences converge for both of you when you meet. It’s very much an electro/magnetic interaction, and you really have to hope that you are not BOTH magnetic at the same time, or both electric at the same time… We’re talking melting glaciers here.

That said, I am seeing more and more clients who have met their Twin Flame in form. I’m reasonably young, but I realize this is an unusual occurrence for this plane, and it is just one more thing indicative of how the energy on the planet has changed, and how the push for us all to get ourselves in the best working order we can is nigh. Twin Flame work will do just that, and that is why you find yourself in this tangle of feeling and confusion now. I highly recommend that you find an energy worker, someone who can help you on a cellular level sort things out. Right now your energy field is an Etch A Sketch. Everytime you painstakingly draw a lovely picture with your magnetic little bits, this guy comes along and shakes you back up. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, go ahead and throw labeling things as ‘good or ‘bad’ out the window right now. This relationship is about growth, and meeting him is not untimely. This relationship is about learning what bits needs to be shaken up and arranged in a more healthy way, what ones he shakes up in you as the result of his own growth curve (he’s no pro). It’s about you having the Holy Grail of figuring out what needs to go and what needs to stay in how you live, and perhaps love. Do find an energy worker who can help you hold your own energy in a receptive place, so that you can do this work.

None of this means that he will remain an active participant in your life long term. Of course none of it means that he won’t. It really has to do with how you can deal with this undercurrent of flaminess (stop personalizing and/or blaming the friction on him and realize it’s old connections in yourself coming back together), resolving the polarity of how you meet in this realm (male/female, with the subset of social traps around that), and somewhere in there realizing if you really do want to be together in a life partner sense. You do have a choice. You can bow out of interacting with him and do this work on yourself another way. He is merely an adrenaline shot that forces you to do it front and center. He is feeling the same shove, though he may not articulate it the way that you do, or see it the same. This is an intense experience for you both.

I ask your guides if there are specific issues revolving around meeting him now, issues in yourself that this meeting is plucking… But all I am shown is that when the aspects of you split, there was such a deep love-an incredibly intense love that is both above and deeper than this realm can reflect. Your tribulations with him are what your guides say are classic to the reunion of any Twin Flames-doing the work you need for you both to grow. I would love to be more specific with you about that, but learning what that growth is, apparently, is part of the work. That usually means the cycle you have to go through to learn the lesson, is the lesson. Remember that it does not have to be painful. You have the ability to remember that deep abiding love, no matter how things are going in the mundane interaction with him. In other words, I can not tell you if this will be a romantic life partner relationship for you, because the two of you in form have not decided that yet. What you have decided spiritually is to grow, remembering this deep loving bond all the while. That is what you have to hold in the fore of your actions and intentions right now-higher love. When the Twin Flame relationship came in the readings of old school intuitives (and by that I mean those steeped in Piscean Era authority), they would tell you to run for the hills. I’ve seen that advice given more than once in this situation. I’m sure those sages had their reasons. I prefer to give you the information that I can, and let you choose. This relationship will not be a cakewalk for either of you. In fact, just having met him and being able to inquire about your spiritual relationship to him gives you enough insight to take the baton and run, with or without him in your life, for your own healing. I do know that the work you do with him, or around your connection to him, will resolve this pattern of feeling that your love relationships never work out. My best to you, Carol!