Kelley, I am in a serious fog and don’t know which way is up. My husband is physically and emotionally abusive, and I left him some months ago. We have a two year old son. I came back 3 months later on the promise of change. There’s been no physical abuse but the emotional manipulation persists. I also think he’s still seeing the other woman. I will not leave everything I’ve worked so hard for again, but I’m going through the motions of this marriage. What do you get from this situation? A. H.
You’re a wise woman. My sense is that this man isn’t capable of meeting you with integrity right now, a dynamic of which you have become expertly aware. He has indeed fed off of your power for a long time and that act has created imbalance in your relationship to him, in the family unit and within yourself. I do not see you maintaining space healthily with this man. The proof of that lies in your own feelings and in the transition your son has endured. Your son is very aware of the power imbalance between you and your husband and he has attempted to restore it. This attempt is evidenced by the onset of anxiety and acting out, both of which are not his nature. Your son feels very hurt that he can’t change his father or heal him, and he also carries a lot of guilt about not being able to successfully intervene for his mother. In other words, your son is attempting to mediate your marriage, to parent his parents. He is manifesting through anxiety and frustration the dynamic that neither you nor your husband have been willing to change. Whatever choices you make around your marriage your son needs a break and the support to relax and be the child.
I understand the insecurity you feel around making a life change. You have the spiritual support from your guides and soul aspects of yourself to manifest the most authentic acts you can take in restoring your power. I see you quite surrounded with love and feminine support, which feels to be two elder women from your childhood. They are readily available for you to call upon in helping you do this. You can reclaim your power (and already are), but it is important that you believe this truth. The buttons of fear and shame that this situation pushes for you can’t be ignored. I encourage you to incorporate a spiritual practice that allows you to celebrate yourself, to daily observe a strength in your resolve, and to enlist the support of a counselor and/or energy worker who can help you maintain your health and wellbeing through this time. Specifically, seek out a soul worker who can help you remove your husband’s energetic hooks from you and to help you sing your power home. May you fly, A!