Kelley, I have been receiving guidance through this blog for a number of years even though I am halfway around the world from you. But here I am writing again to seek some answers because of an overwhelming feeling of neglect by the gods.
A few months ago I made some changes, moving towns and starting a new life and a good new job. It seemed as though things would finally turn around in my internal life, with me anticipating a sense of ‘homecoming’ on a soul level. But it has felt like nothing but the opposite. Even though I am grateful for blessings in my life, being where I am has taken me to a place of what feels like utter abandonment that manifests in different forms and very intense loneliness that eats away at my will to live. And so I am starting to wonder if I have been taking the wrong paths, if there is a blind spot I am not aware of. Frequently I vacillate between states of elation and sheer pain whose source I cannot even identify. I would appreciate any guidance. Your companion from afar, Liz.
Thanks for your note, Liz, and for being a longtime reader. When I pose your intention to my guides, I see a proxy of you standing on a beach. I often see this scene as a status report on where people are in their creative visions of themselves, where they’ve come from, where they’re going. All of this is indicated by drawings in the sand. Behind you, I see all sorts of wavy lines, swoops and swirls in the sand, some elaborate drawings that connect to each other. It all stops at your present point, and before you the sand is totally clear. The proxy gazes toward the afternoon sun as if she’s expecting someone.
I ask her what she’s looking for, and she says, “I thought there’d be someone here.” She doesn’t indicate someone specific, or even a particular role. Rather, guides, helpers, community to help her know how to go forward.
I turn back to the lines behind her and ask if someone was with her when she drew those designs. She says, “Some of them, but not many.” She turns back to the shoreline ahead of her and says, “I just thought for this part of it, there’d be others.”
Indeed, there is a deep sense of having expected community, or at least a trusted individual or two, who at a soul level could help you sustain the momentum. As well, when I look at the drawings from your past, you have carried yourself quite a lot. You haven’t had much in the way of solid community to support your heart’s desire, and changing job, moving, and starting over as it were, hasn’t been able to provide that.
I also feel compelled to say that you aren’t alone in that lack. It sounds funny–you aren’t alone in missing community. You would think that need would be enough to unite the many of us who do end up trying to be everything to ourselves. We live in a culture busy informing us that we can’t be everything to those we love. The fact is, no matter what the limitations, it’s not realistic that we can be everything to ourselves.
When I work with clients who are struggling alone into spiritual emergence, the first thing I tell them is to delve into the Nature of their home space. You are not newly emerging spiritually. You are very sure of who and where you are, though that clarity doesn’t change the fact that you still need collective support, accountability, responsibility, celebration, and inspiration. Also, when creating sacred space for rituals, I always tell students the act isn’t just to show gratitude to spirit helpers or to invite them in for a visit. It’s to create a portal for them to reach into our lives for those few moments, and to actively participate in our lives, to help us create the space.
This reciprocity is what’s needed for you now. You don’t have to do it all, and you’re not expected to. Find ways to bring your spirit guides and Nature Allies more into your every day. Whether it’s setting up altar space for them, putting little reminders of them in your car, or on your desk at work, bring them in. If you are already in frequent contact with them, what about the literal home spirits of your spaces? The spirits of the animals that frequent your yard, the spirits of the trees that grow there, the spirits of elements that are plentiful in your region… Bring them in, as well. Prosperity can’t happen some place other than where you are, and you are in constant companionship with the home spirits and Nature Allies of your spaces.
They are your first community. Begin working with them, and see who pops up along that shoreline to walk with you.
Best to you, Liz. Thanks for sticking around for the long haul!
Please submit Q&A inquiries to kelley at soulintentarts dot com. Include your birthdate and location, along with a brief intention for a Soul Reading featured in Intentional Insights.