I have had a series of traumas, including being molested and raped in the past, and an extremely violent first marriage when I was sixteen. I was later held hostage and lingered near death and was raped. I experienced a shamanic death then and have been clean and sober for almost a year. I am now forty-six, have a wonderful therapist, good friends in AA, and my fiancé does his best to support me. I struggle with physical PTSD symptoms, depression and just trying to find my path through this while keeping an open heart and not feeling vengeful, not living as a victim. Do you have any insights that can help me find my balance? Leanna S.
The initial thing I am told about your present life is that you have released a lot of karmic “congestion” in this manifestation of yourself, some of which wasn’t just yours. I see an etheric representation of you experiencing a vortex in your solar plexus that was the result of a dire wound. I do not know the source of the wound exactly, but it feels to have been inflicted suddenly, without warning in an experience of yourself that was not in a body but was completely etheric and at a higher expression of yourself than your earth consciousness. That wound became a sort of doorway for very traumatic things to pass through, any traumatic experiences and wounds belonging to whomever needed release, as well as collective trauma. I don’t feel that you have carried these random events around with you in this life but the imprint of them, the extremely wrenching vibration of them has been what you have carried. It’s a Like Attracts Like situation and not necessarily something you have been aware of until the events of this life—which were also working on the Like attraction principle. The shamanic awakening was the point at which you realized you did not need to stay in that vibration anymore and shifted your energy. That has allowed many painful dynamics in your life to stop effortlessly, though other dynamics did require some psychological expansion so that you could take the wisdom from them and incorporate it into your earth consciousness. What you are left with at this point is the emotional re-experiencing of these lost traumas that were not all yours, which directly correlates to the PTSD.
In part, knowing that they were not all your tragedies will create some automatic release of the emotions. The other part is realizing that while extremely difficult it was a needful act for yourself and others. That energy needed to be transmuted and you did it. You do not need to do it that way any longer, however. For you to try to would be unhealthy. The chemical use in your past is related to having still held this frequency of energy and attempting to transmute it through your solar plexus. Attempting to do this took you out of your body a great deal and the chemicals helped you smooth the transition back in. You don’t need chemicals to facilitate that shift anymore. You are in a body now. You function at an entirely different level; thus, you have a completely new range of skills at your disposal to move energy. You do, however, still carry the ability to help others heal great traumas, as you probably already know. I see a theta healing approach or some similar healing that is done on the higher aspects of beings, more so than at the earthly conscious level, is a strong skill for you. I think it would be helpful for you, as well, in soothing your physical concerns. There are great teachers of theta healing should you feel led in that direction as a practitioner.
You’ve come a long way, Leanna. Enjoy a greater peace on this next part of your journey.