Kelley, I am a single mother of five teenagers, the youngest of whom has Down syndrome. I went to school to get a master’s degree in social work, but haven’t found a job, partly because I don’t want to travel far from the kids; and because the youngest can’t be left alone. I also care for my mother and quadriplegic brother. I don’t feel like doing anything. I’m worried about finding a job because child support will soon taper off. If I take a part time job, I risk losing the Medicaid. I’m worried about Social Security, because I’ve hardly worked outside the home, and have school loans to pay off. I’ve always been able to get myself out of a depression in the past by trying to help others. This time I don’t want to do anything. Do you think I will ever get to the point of getting excited about something in life again? Do you think I will ever find a job that uses my degree? Thanks, Melissa
Thanks for your note, Melissa. You have a pattern of giving away your power. It’s no wonder that as you approach the point in life that dependencies diminish, you’ve exhausted your own deeper resources. It’s also no surprise that as some of your dependencies become self-sustaining, you collect new ones to have to care for. This pattern is symptomatic of an exhausted will. Like attracts like. Your needs are as great as those relying on you, and yours aren’t being met. That’s enough to quell excitement.
When I gather a circle for you, a proxy of yourself says, “I don’t want to move on.” I ask her what it is she doesn’t want to release, and she tells me that as long as she’s the family social worker, she doesn’t have to face the consequences of feeling ineffective as a social worker for the general populace. There is a belief threaded through your etheric field, that as long as you are the primary caregiver of your family, you have control over the effectiveness of your efforts to care for them. The fear is that in serving a general population, you won’t be able to stomach the many ways in which the system, families, and patients thwart care. You are very used to being the one who, despite a very busy and sometimes chaotic home, brings solitude. You are used to being the one who can bring balance to the concerns and pains of others. This is a very good thing, but there is an inherent control device driving it, that is preventing you from facing fears about actually doing social work. To that end, you have not tended your own pains. Until you do that the Universe can’t manifest the things you want of job and security.
Keep in mind that you can only hold so much of yours and others’ “stuff.” The Universe could deliver the most perfect, amazing gift in answer to your request, but if your hands are full, you can’t take it. Balance is key. If you’re taking on too much in one area, you can’t expect a peaceful clearing in others. It’s all related, and getting the area of your life most out of balance into shape will allow all other areas to be more quiet and prosper. There are definitely boundaries to be learned and drawn in giving those you care for their freedom, but the area most out of balance for you is in self-care. You dole out so much for other people, that you don’t have the energy to accept what the Universe has on reserve for you. If the dream job came knocking on your door right now, that would resolve your career and financial concerns, it would fry you, because you have not learned to put you first.In that light, the proxy of you isn’t avoidant–she’s wise. She knows not to put the cart before the horse. You have all of the Universal support and opportunity you need in the wings. This is the time for you to really tend to yourself. You do not have to rush out and find a job this minute. Use the time you have to remember how to be excited for you. Your worth is not rooted in how much you selflessly do for others–family or patients. It’s in how much you genuinely, wholly connect with All That Is as an active participant, which is the ultimate act in supporting all that you love. Your kids are ready for you to do this, even if it means uncomfortable changes for them. It’s time for them to take on greater roles in household management. They need to see you revive your passions, so that they understand that adults get in ruts, and they get themselves out. I highly recommend energy work, Reiki, or some gentle, benevolent healing that will support you through this shuffling of priorities. I can do that remotely if you like, though finding a local practitioner is helpful. Something I feel will help you reignite your passion and get that book written is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. She presents a grounded approach to reconnecting with inspiration, particularly for those of us who have set it aside in the care of others. In that light, yes, indeed you will find excitement again, and the job that fits your statement of need to the Universe will respond, when you and that job are an energetic match to each other. Take the time now to raise your life force and nourish yourself, so this match can occur. You will inspire yourself as much as your family and future patients. Be well, Melissa.