After years of being dishonest with myself, I am finally trying to walk a spiritual path. I would like to know if I will overcome the self-destructive tendencies I have honed to perfection, and finally find a partner and wonderful father for my children. I am having the same relationship issues I had 14 years ago, and that is very frustrating to me. I find myself attracted to the “wrong” kind of men over and over… Thanks for your help, Lu.

Thanks for your note, Lu. In another manifestation of yourself, I see a pattern in which you assumed that men would hurt you before they actually did. The way you dealt with that possibility was to murder them before they could harm you. When I ask this manifestation of yourself her reasoning for dealing with men and potential problems with them in this way, she tells me that her father used to spank her before she did anything wrong, an effort to keep her aligned with making good choices. In both scenarios, there is an assumption of guilt and justice before there was a crime. On a spiritual level, there is a removal of free will and blindness to observing the present moment. This is a karmic pattern that you brought into this life. I ask this aspect of you if she would like to step out of this dynamic and go up for healing and she does, readily. Her ability to do so frees you of this dynamic in the present, leaving you free to make choices based on information in the present.

Balance, by Dreamstime

Balance, by Dreamstime

This pattern manifest in your present in a different way, though it still stemmed from a fear of being harmed by men. The pattern has been to assume that the men you meet are more well-adjusted, more balanced than they actually are. You have had a tendency to look for their absolute best, or you could say, look at their High Selves, instead of at the earthly beings that they really are. Some people would call this a valuable skill–and it is in certain context. Where it is not working in your favor is that you have banked on men being their High Selves, manifest. You have been so enamoured of their ideals that you haven’t been seeing them for who and what they truly are, which is regular people facing everyday struggles and choosing how to react. In a lot of cases they aren’t reacting the way you want them to, or with the potential you see in their High Selves.

On a spiritual level, that you see these varied levels of being is great. It means that you have the ability to see the highest aspects of anyone you choose–including yourself. On a more practical, mundane level, it means that you intentionally ignore signals telling you when someone is not acting in accordance with or even seeking to act in accordance with his highest ability. You have very clear indicators for when someone, something, or a situation isn’t supportive of you. Listen to them. There is no judgement in this fact, it merely is what it is. It takes a fine level of discernment to be able to hold the High Self of someone, and to see this person’s earthly self, and not to judge either. There is a difference between realizing that someone’s behaviour isn’t right, and realizing that it isn’t right for you. We are all where we are, and we can’t be anywhere else until we’re ready to move ourselves. This, of course, all complicates when emotions become involved.

The bottom line is that you are ignoring your own insight, your own signals telling you when someone isn’t the best match for you at this time. That habit stems directly from this other aspect of you having been taught to apply action before intuitively assessing the situation. It’s an imbalance of power. You have a perfectly finely tuned system for intuiting information and culling out what feels right or wrong for you. You are wise. This means that you don’t have to fall back on merely one level of input. You can feel longing for a longterm mate, observe the people around you, gauge your reaction to them at all levels, and honor when a connection isn’t fulfilling.

You can still look to the potential of the men who come into your life, but be honest with yourself about what you see in the whole picture. And remember, none of us act through the wisdom of our High Selves all the time. It’s our human nature to appeal to varying levels of awareness. What is telling is that we remember those various levels are there, and that we honor all of ourselves even if we can’t access it all the time. When we honor all of ourselves, we attract others doing the same.

Be well, Lu!