Question: Kelley, I’m in my late 20s and have never experienced an orgasm, alone or with a partner, not for lack of trying. I have been in longterm relationships, to no avail. I believe I was missing true chemistry. I’m dating again now and am fearful of the whole situation—telling a new person about my problem, and just the idea of being anorgasmic for the rest of my life and that it will prevent me from having a happy relationship. Can you provide me with any insight as to why I’m this way and how I can become orgasmic? Thanks, Sagittarius
Thank you for your note, Sagittarius. I value your trust. If there was a past personal trauma that has influenced a lack of orgasm in the present, you are far past processing that event and are in a space of clear decisive action. I feel you have carried a lot of collective feminine wounding at a spiritual level. To that end you are at the point of realizing you can be a healthy female and feminine being in this plane without participating in the collective pattern of suppressing Divine Gender balance. The feeling I have in the present is of an aspect of yourself choosing how she is going to expend her power, fully realizing that she does not have to buy into the biases against the feminine at a personal level anymore. This distinction is not about pretending such bases aren’t there, or to sound a rallying cry against their foes. It is more about acknowledging such biases face on and saying, “I see you. I know what you are. I respect you, but I am not you.” Also at center of this is not the raising of one gender over the other, but the understanding that in this plane it takes some combo of all of the above for there to be true balance.
I see your current position is about the transmutation of energies. The aspect of you that has come appears as a blue flame with a feminine face. By choice she has been collecting and holding energy that works against the feminine polarity in this plane. She feels like a lighthouse haven that has been attracting forces on a collision course through the murky waters of gender for eons. That said, most of this is not yours—you’ve simply been a vessel to hold it. It is important to understand that you are very sensitive to the topic of Divine Gender balance, that you have a natural ability to bring this balance into place, and that this work is very much tied into your purpose for being on this planet at this time. But you can only hold so much tension for so long without it starting to have effects on your personal quality of life. It has to be released, and this aspect of you is aware enough to realize she can’t just release it back into the world. It must be transformed into something productive, and what of it can’t be transformed needs to be carried away from this part of you by hands stronger than ours.
What has to be learned at this point is the transmutation of energies into something that is functional for you as an individual and for All. The way in which you create this alchemy is not something that I can help you with at this point. I am clearly here to relay information only. To that end, I highly recommend that you check out the works of Pema Chödrön pertaining to the practice of tonglen. I feel this simple approach in meditation will be very useful for you in converting the energy you’ve stored up into productive motion and release. You can find info on this practice and her works online.
Now. BlueFireWoman is very significant for reasons other than her storage abilities. As you may already know, the life force in the body is often referred to as a sleeping fiery serpent, until it is intentionally awakened and directed. Two books dealing with feminine sexuality and how to move the life force that I found tremendously enlightening and helpful are: Don Juan and the Art of Sexual Energy: The Rainbow Serpent of the Toltecs, by Merilyn Tunneshenede, and The Magdalen Manuscript, by Tom Kenyon. Both of these books elaborate on the spiritual qualities of the feminine and masculine forces at work in us and during sex, and how to use life force to improve health and happiness. What is promising for you is that your life force is already awake and burning. She just needs a little attention and relief to sizzle. In your ministrations to this release and opening, pay attention to your second chakra. I feel that is where a lot of this energy is being stored, and also where your life force is not fully moving through the rest off your form. Blocks in the second chakra are quite often involved in sexual energetic concerns. This is the chakra that teaches you how you are distinct from your tribe. This energy bridge focuses on personal expression, regardless of how your tribe feels about it. It is about standing up for yourself. You have chosen to be a conduit for shifting poorly held feelings about the feminine. Those feelings have gotten stuck and must be moved through so that you as a balanced being can blossom and prosper. In doing so you will become more powerful in your alchemy, affecting this transformation collectively. Rising to this task will challenge you to let go of some of your own gender biases, as well as to stand up to your tribe. It won’t be easy, but it will be a lot easier than the stagnant energy you’ve been experiencing. When that energy moves through, you are going to be able to feel, hold and direct sexual energy in your form better. Focus on releasing this energy and learning more about your role as that conduit. Create the space for a physical release and expression of your own sexuality. It will come, and so will the partner who can balance it.