“As above so below. As within so without.” ~Hermesianax, Greek poet
Hi Kelley, I am a middle aged woman who has experienced many changes this decade. Unfortunately, things seem to get worse–job, financial problems, relationships… I feel myself isolating and trust is becoming an issue. I truly don’t know how long I can hang on at my job, and there are few new jobs out there. Finances are difficult. Not sleeping is a problem. I feel blind and blocked. No matter what I do to free myself, things get worse. Thanks… Leea
Thank you for your note, Leea. What I am shown is that you have played by the rules of patriarchy to the point of mastery, and it’s time to invite in and express the feminine way. The underlying feeling of always adapting, never setting the pace, going with the crowd despite the fact that it doesn’t feel natural… These states are all indications that you have well-learned how to function in a linear world with set rules. They are also signs of the feminine giving up power to the masculine, which creates disharmony for both. On a personal level this dynamic creates a space in your daily life, in which you feel that if you could just play the game better, if you could just get that one break, if you could just meet the right person… While predictable and safe, this routine doesn’t serve your deeper needs. It is, in fact, giving away your power.
Now on the planet is a sense of the Divine Feminine reawakening. Where has she been? Right here, actually. But the way we live doesn’t acknowledge her, which means that we don’t honor our natural rhythms. We all know about the millennia of control of men over women, patriarchy, excision of the feminine to yield masculine monotheism. What we seem to be realizing with this re-awareness of the Divine Feminine is the toll the lack of energetic balance has taken on how we live. In Her lack, our existing Masculine is wounded. None of the established systems work anymore–organized religion, healthcare, government, social benefit. On a personal level, the systems that don’t work are the daily grind, running a household, biological and energetic political/sexual dynamics… Does this mean we can’t have these things? Not necessarily. It means we have to find new ways of implementing and sustaining them, so that instead of meeting only our dire needs, they meet all of our needs.
The place to begin this transformation is to assess what your real needs are. Yes, we all have to earn a living. We all have to eat and pay bills. To have the energy to do those things means we must be fed on deeper levels, and that is where I see you needing to provide yourself support. Giving yourself the nurture and care that you need will reconnect your inner feminine and masculine, and it will allow you to reshape your perspective on the systems in your life. If you feel supported and trusted inside, your outside will conform to those feelings. It will mirror that support and give back to you. You have worked yourself spare trying to create that support externally, and only come up tired and feeling a lack. Consider the things that nourish you spiritually: a regular massage? a weekend retreat? an evening watching the stars? an artistic pursuit? a class you’ve wanted to take? I suspect it is some collection of different treats done at a set interval. These are not empty acts of girlie indulgence. They are cogent approaches to solidify trust in yourself and expressing your untapped voice. This will be a leap of faith for you, as there is an element of needing to trust your ability to determine what is right for yourself, and gaining the courage to manifest it. Yet reading these words stirs some wild woman within who needs expression. Allay your fears of her. She is the voice of the Divine in you. She is the key to feeling whole and creating the movement and language that is right for you.
That said, I do see a better job opportunity for you in the next 6-9 months. The thing is, without a calm, confident core, you won’t recognize it. Start creating that nest for yourself now, and not only will the opportunities you need meet you, you will see them coming. With these new opportunities meeting your needs, you are quite likely to create your own new system.