The Two of Us
Dear heart. Can you tell me something about the beautiful woman who has lived inside me since birth? Life has been hard. I am a man with woman’s ways. I am effeminate. I crossdress on impulse. It just comes over me and when I am in this mode I feel this is where and what I should be– a woman. Amongst many feminine dreams I’ve had, in one I was taken into an alien spacecraft and was injected in the back of my neck with a dart. It was said to me, “You are now a Shulamite Woman.” I am now 79 years old. My wife died 9 years ago, yet I feel she guides me, ever present. We were together for over 50 years. I think I have two souls, though true explanations for this have never come. Thank you, Tommy.
Thank you for your note and your trust, Tommy. When I track back through your life force to the place you were before this manifestation, I find you as a complete being embodying All life force–feminine, masculine, human, plant, animal, element, ether… For many people this state of being connected to All is the ideal, or “Heaven.” It’s a very calm place, without conflict and with a balanced sense of Self. Most every creature has had an experience that made it feel part of this stellar whole. Some have even had experiences in their current lives that triggered memories of being completely whole. Honestly, when I do life tracking for others into their between-form manifestations I find few peacefully enjoying that ‘whole’ experience. What is most common is being in a state of assessing direction or healing imbalances. That you are in this space is telling. What is most compelling is that you managed to bring it through with you–you never forgot it.
I feel that in most of your manifestations as form you were able to come through as this whole being, in the company of other such beings. You were able to embody both genders and there was community support in doing so. For that reason I do not feel that you have been on Earth in a long time, but have been manifest in planes that supported intergendered forms. I do think that you were able to be intergendered on Earth early in its formation and the lovely memory of that has been challenging. Times have changed. The two foremost guiding forces in this formed realm are those of masculine and feminine. They don’t exist as separately identified life force in the All. However, this plane has gone to extremes in how we honor, relate to, and divide those guiding forces. In your fully formed manifestations you did not have to cull one part of yourself out from the whole. Coming into this life, into this realm, with its rules about density and polarity, you found aspects of yourself celebrated and others completely disregarded. The struggle to honor all of yourself has been very painful. The sadness of feeling unfulfilled energetically is as real as your cells wanting to host something fully that they know they can’t: dual form.
Many readily identify that the feminine principle has been horribly maltreated in the Earth plane. She isn’t recognized in most world religions (overtly, anyway); thus, she isn’t openly reflected into how most of the world lives. What is often forgotten is that one principle can’t be harmed without harming the whole. Where the feminine has been relegated to the shadow, the masculine has been without its balanced other. It has carried burdens beyond its ability while it has observed its dearest other half be abused. You are aware of and feel this disjoint more than most, and for that reason you have always treated those around you with compassion and fairness. Bless you.
Regarding your dream, I do not have any feeling about abduction or having been changed. My feeling is that your life force originated in another planetary system. Some people truly do originate in Earth energy, some don’t. Those who don’t are challenged with the elemental structure of being here as much as with making peace with the reason for coming. My essay Coming Out Starseed may be informative, along that line. Realizing that your life force sources some place other than Earth is important in learning to connect with that source. That is the home you feel, and likely the place your feminine other is rooted. I feel you have been experiencing a simultaneous manifestation of yourself, here as a biological male, with your feminine having been forced to “stay behind” in that other planetary space Having been forced to choose one gender in order to manifest here, she comes through when she can. She’s a different energy but she is not a different you. She’s just more you.
I do feel that your wife is serving as an energetic anchor for you. She is of the same other planetary life force that you are, but in working out her karmic needs is on a different path. My feeling is that she will continue to walk with you are a protector and ally.
The good news is that time are changing again. The rules we agree to coming into this plane are becoming less rigid, more supportive of diverse life and how we live it. In that sense I do believe that you are a Shulamite woman. You are a two-spirit persevering beyond what is readily known, embodying unattainable wisdom. Be well, Tommy!