Tag: spirit guides

The Legacy of Helping

Hello Kelley, I am 44 years old and I just reunited with the father of my 2 teenage daughters. We divorced in 1989 after 4 turbulent years of marriage and he quickly remarried when he got another woman pregnant. Two years ago, he came to me and let me know that he had never stopped loving me and had, in fact, been unable to love his current wife adequately as a result. He stated that his marriage to her had been a 12-year sham and he wanted me back in his life. During those years, he treated me pretty poorly as if he hated me. After 2 years of “negotiating” the terms of a new relationship between us, we signed a common law marriage agreement and got a house together. We celebrated our reunion by taking our 2 daughters to London for a Christmas celebration. Everything was going wonderfully until we got to London, where he acted horribly the whole trip, ruined it for everyone, and blamed it on me. We got home on Dec 23, and by Christmas Day he packed all his clothes and walked out on the family. He returned the next day, demanding that I move out and stating that he was no longer interested in a relationship. He has suddenly resurrected all the old patterns that drove us apart before. I believe that leaving the relationship is in order and I seek understanding that will allow me to either go or stay with compassion, rather than hatred and bitterness. Thank you, Melissa

Hi Melissa. Thank you for your kind words. My understanding from your spirit guides is that you had a relationship with this man in the past, and a lot of his issues stem from even before that past. But in this past, which you shared with him, he committed suicide, and you carry a lot of guilt leftover from the dynamic in that life. He is still perpetuating a cycle of self-destruction in this life, and you have still carried your guilt from the other life experience, compounded by events that have occurred in this life to turn that screw even tighter. That is the context I am shown for the basic premise of energy between you.

The next moment I am moved to is the death point of you in that past life. She hesitates at the point that she “should” naturally crossover. I ask her the reason for her hesitation, and she tells me that it’s her fault that he killed himself. I ask her what makes her think that, and she recounts to me how she had an affair, which badly hurt him, and drove him over the edge. She is oblivious to his choice in how he dealt with his pain. I ask her how she dealt with her guilt over having the affair and his suicide at the point of death when it actually occurred. She tells me that she was born into human form again to find him and make it up to him. the thing is, her heart wasn’t really in it. Her motives were based in guilt, and not true desire to elevate this relationship higher, or to be true to herself. this aspect of you realizes this now, but she did not at the time. As we stand at that point of her death now, I ask her what choice she is going to make this time. She tells me that she needs to move on in her spiritual path, and *if* she can help him, it will be from a spiritual realm, and not in the dichotomy of the Earth plane. She is very grateful for the opportunity you have given her to pause and change the direction in her part of your life path. To that end, she moves on to Spirit, guilt-free, no less. She is holding her power well, which means that you are, as well.

I see this shift in her moving on (essentially ending the karmic pattern you have been feeling with him) as a bit disorienting to you, in your present, at first. You have had strong energetic, and in some ways, cellular, ties to this man. Having carried guilt over lifetimes has weakened your immune system some, and your energetic body. Be gentle with yourself. For one, you have been through enough with this guy already, that you deserve to just take a few days to yourself and energetically regroup. I see work being really hectic for you right now, and not helpful in that regard. Things that you normally take in stride are a bit more challenging, until you can redistribute your energy in a pattern that is based in the present, and functional to where you are on your path NOW. It also feels like you may even come to have LESS feelings for this man now, and not be so connected to his actions, his words, or the drama of breakup. In reality, you’ve done this a few times already with him, and not just in this life. But this detachment I see in you is not from having been worn down, but from true genuine “objectivity.” I’m not saying that you don’t have opinions or feelings about what has led up to your present, but they just aren’t going to have the hold over you that they have prior. To that end, I don’t see bitterness or hatred looming largely for you. You are aware enough of your own process to be able to let those last few tugs of those feelings pass through without them getting trapped..

You are a wise woman, with powerful allies. That you can have gone through this experience with this man and want to release it on a high level speaks well to who you are and what you are capable of. Be well, Melissa.

A Starseed from Way Back

Dear Kelley, I have a health related question. Since last year (2004), I have had 3 occurrences of a very bad rash that has been cropping up on my body. I have been to doctors, allergists, dermatologists and they all labeled it as “contact dermatitis,” meaning I had an allergic reaction to something that I ate, came in contact with, etc. The rash doesn’t seem to follow any type of pattern and each time it has cropped up on different parts of my body. My question is that I’m wondering if the cause is more emotional/stress related than an actual allergic reaction to something? I’m wondering if something is going on where I’m bringing this on myself. Thanks for your input!!

Thanks for your note, Jana. You have not brought this on yourself. Free yourself of the frustration that has led you down that line of thinking, cos it’s not a factor. This is very much a contact disturbance, but not in the way that your doctors have indicated.

When I approach your guides, I immediately break out into a rash all over my arms. A hand reaches out to pull me along a wooded path, and I see my benefactor is a dark-skinned woman wearing a very plain dark dress, with a cream colored binding covering her head and hair. The further she leads me into the woods, this rash spreads over my body. Every leaf that brushes against me, the air that I take in, the pressure of earth under my feet… all of these external things contribute to my surface unrest. The woman finally leads me to a hut with a fire burning in front of it. The area is deep in the dark woods, nothing and no one near for miles, and it is a freezing cold night. Oblivious to the atmosphere, she sits me down and coats me in this pink plaster-like substance to soothe the rash, and I realize that she is your guide. I ask her where she is from, and she gives me this huge wild woman teethy grin. It strikes me then that she is from the southern hemisphere, and we are distinctly in the woods of the north western United States, if not Canada. Nothing about her meager dwelling or well-kept surroundings would indicate that she is not from this area. But her clothing, skin, and energy are clearly South American. When I ask her again where she is from, she points to the stars, and I understand what is causing your discomfort being on this planet.

I ask her to tell me the story of you, and she begins to feed me a warm broth as she talks. She speaks a very strange language made up of tones not words, but tells me that she is most certainly not from the area in which she currently dwells, but that she has adapted fully to live there and do her work. She tells me that you have not adapted to your new atmosphere. When she attempts to explain where you are really from, I don’t have the sense that it is a planet different from Earth; rather, a *dimension* different than our comprehended Universe. Determining your source is not so easy as following a ley line from here to a star and recording the path. You are from a very intricate, and yet somehow incredibly simplistic life force that is not very used to matter, and not very fond of the level of complication incurred by life on this bluegreen ball. You are not used to barriers of any kind-on your ability to create and manifest, or even that of skin to attempt to “hold you all in one place.”

So why did you sign up for it if it’s getting under your skin this badly? Morganna, as your guide is now identifying herself, tells me that you have not incarnated on this planet, or anywhere, very often. Being in skin is not very comfortable to you, and that “limitation” has created other disturbances in your form off and on through this life. I ask her point blank your reason for coming here, and she gets up, walking around her abode, but is silent. I ask her why she came to this place from her home, and she whirls around, nothing but eager to talk, and she tells me that she is an anchor, a placeholder, so that the others have a place to come when it is their time. I know that she is not talking about a South American home, but her star ancestors, your contemporaries.

You have come here to pave a way for others who are from your source. In other words, you came as a scout, to find a place to create a sacred space for some work to be done. Others of your star lineage are coming to help you hold this space and do this work. The rash has evolved from you not wanting to “adapt” to life here. You have interpreted adaptation as having to sacrifice your higher abilities, your starness in order to create this sacred space. There’s been anger around this, frustration, sheer annoyance from feeling that 3D limits your truth. The thing is, upon coming here, part of your truth became 3D, which means part of your power did, part of your beauty… You haven’t held this dimension in very high regard at all, which means you have not held part of yourself in high regard. To you, 3D is a dirty auto repair shop with greasy parts and tools lying everywhere, with few mechanics who really know what the part and tools can do. You’re a mechanic, and to release this rash, you’re going to have to use those 3D tools. A big part of it just respecting 3D space, and not seeing it as less, or as some unidentifiable crud that’s going to rub off and make you itch. Being able to honor this plane will only strengthen your ability to create and hold space for your tribe to come and do its work. I’m not talking about tree hugger kind of admiration and respect-you already have a fond rapport with Nature. This is about respecting form, remembering that all form is spirit manifest, and remembering in that knowledge there is no difference. Home is you, Jana. Be well!

Do I have Spirit Guides?

Dear Kelley, Since 1999 I have been “off track” with my life. The pillars of career, relationship, and finances have crumbled away. Now, I am in my prime and I’m really desiring to do meaningful work in this life, have the experience of true love with a man, and be “in” this world. Do I have guides? Who are they and how can I let them know I need their help – now!! These years of bankruptcy, unavailable men, and jobs of little money and no fulfillment of my skills cannot be why I am here. I really want to contribute in a meaningful way. Do you have a light or hit on a direction for me? Thank you! “Jo”

Hi Jo! Thanks for your note, and sharing your lovely sense of humor =) When I ask to meet your spirit guide, I am led to an active volcano on an island. Sensing the energy of this volcano as very feminine, it indicates to me that she is Pele, Hawaiian fire goddess who shaped the surface of the land (pretty powerful stuff). There is the quite obvious fire aspect of her power, which I sense as an intense ability to create what she needs for herself. What surprises me though, is that she also has a very profound relationship with air, in that she very freely moves her energy wherever it is needed. More than a factor in creation, she knows when to relax and float on the breeze. You have not had enough of that luxurious rest in your life, and it is time to provide it for yourself. The volatile combination of fire and air feels to be a quite poignant in the cycle of destruction and creation. We often forget that destruction IS part of creation, and in this Crone aspect of the Goddess, she is the epitome of that process. As she is your spirit guide, you embody that process. This guide is here to help you burn out the deadwood of your life and replenish it with prospering, thriving Life. Pele point blank says, “She has the ability to rise above circumstance and into herself.”

To bring her into your daily life more, she asks that you acknowledge her by lighting a candle. Spend some time regularly talking with Pele and cultivating a relationship with her. However you meditate, begin opening and holding a place for her and her energy in your life.

Give some attention to third chakra clearing. The third chakra is the point in development at which you energetically realize you are part of All Things, and honor that connection. The true harmony of that connection rests in realizing who YOU are, and in being able to stand confidently in who you are while making that observation about all of life. The third chakra is all about confidence, which is the fuel for intuition. Pele indicates you have become more withdrawn than is your nature, due to feeling used or just battered about by the world. It’s not your nature to draw in, and she shows me that doing some work on your third chakra will help you feel more confident not only about connecting with the world, but your place in it.

There is also a panda bear working with you right now. I have the sense that he is your lifelong animal guide. It may behoove you to do some reading about pandas and their energetic/spiritual influence. However, YOUR panda says that he brings you comfort, very much in that teddy bear sort of way. He loves you very much, and is intent on helping you find the line between comfort and growth, as well as between loving connection and co-dependence. It seems you have tended to be full-bore one or the other, and not observed the balance that is best for you. He is here to help you with that. Even his black and white coloring suggests balance, appropriate boundaries, yet bold sense of self. He also seems to carry an intense yet artful knowledge of ritual, that is, finding the way in which day-to-day processes and observances create a mind/body/soul connection. He seems to have a lot in store for you on that front—a very disciplined and lovely way to help you find how you spiritually relate to All Things.

He asks that you keep an image or little figurine of a panda near you, as you have a tendency to feel unsupported by the world. This memento can serve a s a reminder that you have powerful spiritual allies who are channels of Universal power, at your disposal. In your meditative space, it would be good to ask him to step into you and let you truly feel his abilities and the gifts he brings you. This merging is called shapeshifting, and is the foundation of working with animal guides.

Between these two guides you have a good bit of instruction available to you in changing the direction of your life. Both are incredibly powerful in their own way, as are you. I hope that in the work you do with them, you come to hold that power the highest way that you can, and see the results you deeply want. My best to you, Jo!

For Love or Data?

Dear Kelley, Four years ago I married my husband. We get along great and he is a good step father to my son, but the past year or so I have been having doubts about whether it was a good idea to marry. Everything is a competition. We don’t communicate on any level deeper than what’s happening in the world so our sex life has suffered because I don’t feel listened to. Other wise he is a really good man and I know he loves me. When I said I wanted out about 4 months ago he was so sad that I started feeling guilty about hurting his feelings and also about taking my son’s stepdad away, as his real father is not in the picture. I don’t know what my future holds if I stay or if I leave….. Drowning in Self doubt! Cathy G.

Hi Cathy! I hope this note finds you well! I am immediately led by two of your spirit guides to areas of a forest in which buried in holes, you have hidden memorabilia, trinkets from your past that have certain personal significances. Your guides lead me to several such holes, and I see that they have dug up these mementos you have buried. They are things such as old love letters, a small figurine, and a gold necklace with a flat glass pendant. It seems that you have made a habit of not just leaving special parts of your life separate from your present, but that you have intentionally hidden them for safekeeping, for preservation. The thing is, I don’t have the sense that you ever intended to return to them, at which point I ask your guides, “Why save them at all, then?”

The guides lead me then to a cave in the woods. It’s not any ordinary cave, you see. It looks more like someone’s great aunt’s attic. The cave is filled, positively crammed full of junk, broken things, discarded household items, intriguing antiques… and not one of them is yours. Your guides tell me that you have so filled up with other peoples’ unwanted things, you did not have room to carry things that were, are, very important to you. So you buried yours and left them, which tells me there is an aspect of soul loss in this, because you never “intended” to return and balance things back out. Somewhere along the way you made the choice not to carry your own things, but to manage the junk of others.

The thing is, by inquiring about your life right now, you have returned to your forest primeval.

I am led past the holes and cave, to a hilltop, where a soul aspect of you is waiting. She looks very healthy and well, and I know this is the part of you who is seeking balance and peace now. She tells me that she is the soul part who has been under the weight of others’ relics, and she is ready to return to Spirit. This is a very healthy step for you, and not something that happens very often. With soul separation, which occurs due to some sort of trauma, quite often soul parts can’t find their way back, or the circumstances of your life do not suit their return. Yet their loss is felt in patterns that go unresolved, chronic illness, depression… a myriad of things. It is when these soul parts do not return on their own that a shaman is sought out to retrieve them. With you, this soul part has found her way back. It seems that she took the responsibility for carrying the weight of others, so that the “rest of you” could do the best possible job just to keep up with Life. It no longer has to be that way now, and she is ready to return to Spirit. In a “traditional” soul retrieval, the separated soul part is returned to the client in a highly personal ritual, followed by an integration process, in which the client re-acquaints with the soul part. The process is fairly elaborate and brings a great deal of healing. When done at a distance, or even spontaneously as your soul retrieval is occurring now, the soul part(s) either takes itself to Spirit, or I send it there, so that your High Self is given full control over how that integration manifests healing.

When I have taken this soul part up to Spirit and returned, I find a chipped wedding band on the ground. When I hold it I have the feeling that there was something wrong with one of the wedding bands from your marriage, the current or another marriage, and that gave you an odd feeling about getting married from the beginning. It felt like an omen to you. I also have the sense from the band that you have often gotten into serious relationships for reasons other than love, desire, or connection to your mate. It has been more almost logistic, like a resolution to a set of circumstances that being married made better, where being single made more complicated. This pattern of deciding to marry based on data more than feelings is connected to that feeling that you are always competing with your husband and child. It is constant comparison, like that of a pro/con list that has yielded even your most basic communication to that same “logical” level. Black or White. This or That. There is no feeling in it at all.

In many ways you have not been able to break that pattern until you could realize how much of other peoples’ stuff you have been carrying. The sense I have of it is that entering relationships HAD to be data driven, because the feelings around what was happening in your life at the time of making the decisions to enter relationships would have been overwhelming. I don’t know exactly what was going on at the time, but your guides are telling me now that you have a level of self-empowerment now that you did not have then, and that you need to make yourself aware that your circumstances have radically shifted. In other words, where your decisions to marry were based on data, your decision to not remain married can be based on your feelings.

In fact, every decision can. I don’t mean basing your decisions on flash-in-the-pan fleeting feelings, like eating all the icecream to feel full, or the compulsion that a brand new Jaguar XK would make you totally happy, or running rough shod over the feelings and wellbeing of others in hopes of bringing yourself satisfaction. Tempting as such may seem after the drought you’ve had, I mean the deeper feelings that are your Truth, who you are when everything else in the Universe is stripped away: joy, peace, love. But then, who am I to suggest to you what that Truth is? Maybe you do need a Jaguar XK? You have certainly gone without a lot of your heart’s desire, and now is the time for you to claim it. She is already there, with Spirit, making elaborate plans for your joy.

I don’t see you rekindling your Truth in this marriage. I do see the habit of you taking on your husband’s sadness, and even your son’s sadness, wearing very thin. Deep down you want to retain respect for this man and yourself, and that is not something you can do if you allow yourself to be someone else’s emotional whipping girl. It’s just not a role you’re interested in playing anymore. Troubling though it may be for your son, you have the ability to teach him how to make the best decisions he can, by having a parent who does.

There is a newfound passion blowing into your life, with the coming relationship changes. It is going to be exhilarating and strange to you. Remember to feel the breeze, but not be carried away by it. The only thing worse than making decisions without feeling, is to make them solely ruled by passion. You have the advantage of feeling passion, and remaining grounded as you enjoy it.
I wish you the best, Cathy.

Original Wounds and the Present

Dear Kelley, I have been married for almost nine years and I have two small children. Right after we celebrated our four year old’s birthday, we stopped speaking to each other and it’s been almost two weeks. It all started after we took a mini vacation so that our four year old could go on a train ride. Needless to say, our 16 month old was teething and we did not get any sleep while on vacation. Normally, this would just blow over, but my husband was angry enough with me to just stop all communication. It’s strange because life seems to go on pretty well without much input from him. I do miss help with the children, but I am worried that this is the beginning of the end. I’m not even sure what I should wish for. Sincerely, Laurie

Hi Laurie! Thanks for your note! First off, I would like to clarify that when I do a soul reading for someone, it is the guides of the client that I work with primarily, not mine. My guides are there to protect and ground me, but information about you is coming from your guides. They show me whatever it is that they want you to know about the situation at hand, or life in general.

When I ask your guides for insight into that trip and the interaction that brought about the silent treatment, I see one of your guides, a female, creating a fanning motion in the atmosphere around her–almost like she is massaging the environment around you. This is her way of showing me that she is intentionally stirring up the energy in your life–in relationships, internally and externally. She is trying to wake you to something, or deal with a dynamic between you and your husband, or in some way related to intimate bonding, that existed well before the vacation incident.

When I ask her what that incident is/was, I see her holding an infant, a female. This baby is a spirit “child”, who was born and died. However this manifests in your life, what I am seeing is that a silence that occurred during some loss of a close female child in your and/or your husband’s life is what is influencing your relationship with him now. In other words, the sense of loss felt in that experience by you and/or your husband was triggered in the exchange while you were on vacation. The specific trigger in that exchange was your husband feeling that he was not being heard, or was unable to express his emotions about the situation. Was he at some point unable to grieve with external support the passing of a female child in his life? That original wound is the one really being felt right now, not a current exchange. I also have a very strong sense of both of you dealing with deep emotional states, such as grief, in isolation of each other, not in a collectively supportive way. The silence of each of you seems to influence the wound to grow.

When I ask the guide and the child what needs to occur here, I am led to take the child to Spirit. It seems that her not fully moving over created part of the inability of you and/or your husband to release this emotional “silence” dynamic. The guide indicates that there is still work to be done between you and your husband, and how that progresses is up to each of you individually, and collectively. You have both in your way been stunted by this wound, and it’s created distance between you. However, this is the point that you can create of that wound a deeper connection between the two of you, and more functional emotional outlets individually. Be well, Laurie!

Spiritually Preparing for Surgery

Good afternoon, My name is Josée. I am scheduled for surgery on June 23 2004 and am getting quite nervous. Any insight on your part would be great. Thank you! Josée

Hi Josée. Thanks for your note! Upon asking your guides about this surgery, I see that you are very much protected and cared for. I see 7 spirits, guides and loved ones who are in the spirit world now, attending you through this period. They literally, physically assist your body in remembering healthy function, and assist your soul in facilitating its own reconnection to the body after surgery. Not only does the body have its unique connection to your soul and Higher Power, but every individual cell does. Many people with Hyperhidrosis condition also suffer from excessive hand sweating. It is at this level of awareness that you must be at this time. Surgery affects not just the physical, but the etheric body, which is the term I use to summarize the entire manifestation of a creature that is in this realm, and simultaneously is in other realms. Where surgery alters the physical form, particularly when things are removed from it, that etheric body part still remains needing care and acknowledgement.

Take great care to be as present as you can during this time, doing a great deal of affirming self-talk. Now more than ever you must co-create with your Higher Power your place of health. The part of you that is one with All That Is creates your existence. How you speak is very important to how you think and view yourself, as how you view yourself is the way you manifest in your life. You must manifest as the light creature that you are, but before you can do that, you must KNOW that you are that light creature. Pay attention to how you talk to your Higher Power. Instead of asking for outcomes (Please let my surgery go well) and focusing on things you feel you don’t have, (Please give me strength), focus on the innate soul qualities that you possess, and ALWAYS HAVE POSSESSED. When you ask for things, the emphasis is on the asking, the LACK of having, not the receiving. Not acknowledging what you already have as one of Spirit comes out as a lack of faith that you already embody what you need. You know that you are already high on the list of priorities of your Higher Power. You don’t have to ask for that. But do acknowledge it, so that you can fully manifest your health. You can manifest those soul qualities by changing how you speak, which changes how you think. For instance, in your meditative state, you might say, “With my Higher Power’s assistance I command my natural strength manifest in my life.” Or simply, “Thank you for my good health and wellness.” In both of those statements, rather than coming from a place of want or desparation, the emphasis is on honoring and acknowledging what you already have. The emphasis is on faith in yourself and your Higher Power.

Actively call on your guides and Higher Power to help you hold yourself in the highest place that you can for healing to occur. Particularly after surgery, take great care to ask your guides and Higher Power to send light to the surgery area. Visualize the color of the light, letting the color be whatever it needs to be. Let the light fill your body, and see it doing so.

I see you after surgery, incredibly renewed, in a way that changes your perspective on how you live. I see a shift in your approach to physical health, but also in how you look at life and feel about it. In one regard, this shift manifests for you in an artistic expression. I see you working with elements, literally earth and water–clay–putting this new perspective into creations that you share with the world. This artistic expression is one way you touch the lives of others, passing on this bright perspective. In this creative act, there is also the message that you know how to nourish yourself on all levels. You know how to live well, which is truly a rare thing. Celebrate it! You are in my thoughts, Josée. Everything is fine. =)

Fixating on Outcomes

Over the past few years, my life has changed in several ways. I’ve been in love with a woman for several years. She knows this, and there is chemistry definitely between us. My question to you is, will she ever “be” in my life and share my life with me or will she always walk the periphery? regards, wyldorchid

Thanks for your note! I see this woman as very much a muse to you in some energetic sense. Literally, when I ask your guides about your connection to her and how it manifests now, I see her standing in a vortex, interacting with what is on this side of it, and what is on the Other side of it, feeding you inspiration, and in some respects, power from that Other place. She is in some way a channel for you to grow spiritually, but also for you to gain some ability or gift you are to do in this life. It seems to be a mutually agreed upon act, although on the surface it seems very selfless of her. She gains from it, as well, though I can not clearly see how–that’s not for me to know. The thing is, I don’t see you doing anything WITH what she brings through for you. The sense of it that I have is you are very fixated on making a particular outcome to this relationship, specifically that it be romantic. But it isn’t, at least not in the way you want it to be. I can not say for sure that it can be that, but what I see is that by fixating on her in a specific way, you are missing out on the gift she is really bringing you. In fact, focusing on the connection being romantic at this point is actually thwarting both the Other gifts she can facilitate bringing you, and a deeper connection in that relationship. When you can relax the hold on “driving” your feelings for her in a certain direction and you can flow into the space she is holding for you, you will know with clarity what the best and highest nature of this connection and relationship really is. Moreover, you will learn something very significant to why you are on the planet at this time. Be well!

Emotional Submission

I am a 33-year old mother of 2 pre-teen boys. Last year my boyfriend and I ended a 3-year relationship that had included our opening a business together. He is 50 years old and we have started seeing each other again. We can’t seem to stay away from each other. When we were together I often felt that we had a connection from another life. We broke up twice in the 3 years we were together. I have to admit that I enjoy the comfort and the wooing that he surrounds me with, though at times I feel somewhat smothered by his love, which seems to be more than what I feel. I keep wondering what are we doing…I love him and he loves me but I have a rough time seeing him in my long term future. Though at the moment, the thought of a serious relationship makes me feel like I can’t breathe. He seems to be ready to wait for me. Should I just put an end to the lover part of it and keep a friendship? Also, is there a way to take some of your workshops online because I live in Canada and can’t get to you. ~E~

Thank you for your note, E. It doesn’t happen often that I see the spiritual manifestation of the object of the question, rather than the poser of the question. However, when I ask your guides for insight to share with you, I see a soul aspect of the man in question, rather than one of you. I see this aspect on his knees brushing up crumbs into a dustpan, and he’s quite intent on completing this task for someone else–it is not of his own initiative that he is doing it. However, it is your guides who give commentary on what I’m shown. They indicate that this is a very old pattern for him, submissive by means of feeling that he owes some part of himself or his service to someone. I do not know who that original someone is. The emphasis is not on the personality, but on the pattern of submission, which he has carried into the present as emotional submission/doting. That pattern of emotional submission is what is turning you off, not a lack of feeling for him. The indication I have from your guides is that if he can resolve that pattern, he will have better emotional boundaries in giving and taking, and you won’t feel smothered. When you no longer feel smothered, you will be able to respond to his authentic Self, not a karmic pattern that happens to be very triggering for you. Being lulled into the emotional comfort zone that he provides keeps you from being true to yourself, and THAT is the real point of focus. This dynamic is in a way drawing out lesser qualities in both of you. It is not the best foot forward for either of you. However, you can’t hinge your healing and growth on what he, or anyone else does, or perhaps, doesn’t do. He may never realize this pattern in his behaviour, and that’s ok. We are each on our own paths. Independent of him (or others) you have to base your healing on yourself, and stand in who you are. There is a delicate boundary between stepping into who you truly are at the cost of losing relationships around you, and realizing when someone else’s lack of being authentic interferes with *your* ability to grow. We can’t just ditch everyone who seems to move us in directions we don’t want to go, or most of us would remain perpetually alone. Ultimately our souls choose the lessons we need, and most often those lessons come in challenging relationships. Sometimes the lesson is in knowing when to step away from someone, and sometimes the lesson is in seeing how those challenging relationships foster your growth. It isn’t about him being overbearing or possibly not feeling the same for each other, but about if he can be on his unique path, and you continue to grow on yours, together. When I see a soul aspect of you, it is incredibly empowered and assured. Connect with this part of yourself. In your meditative space, ask your soul what is right for you to do in this relationship. Ask what action affirms your authentic Self, where this relationship is concerned. Because when you realize that you have everything you need within and stand in your authentic Self, the confusion about this man will resolve.

To note about my workshops and classes–I do not at this time teach them online or over distance. The techniques of journeying really require personal attention and the sacred space that results from communing souls. I do travel to do workshops, where there is a willing host to organize an event. I also do some distance work FOR others. Please feel free to email me with any inquiries, and I hope that we can meet sometime, E! Be well!

Habit of Sacrifice

Dear Kelley, My husband and I have been married almost 5 years. We have 2 children — M and L, ages 3 and 21 months. My husband is in the National Guard and is scheduled to deploy to Iraq. He will be leading a combat unit of 12 soldiers working in a law enforcement/sniper unit being assembled now. I have very vivid dreams. I dreamt that I saw him being killed along with several other American soldiers and Iraqi soldiers. I had the dream before I knew he was being deployed. What is also bad is that he and I are struggling to stay together. The “divorce” word has surfaced several times, but we don’t want to pursue it before he deploys. After our latest discussion of divorce, I dreamed that 1000 white horses were running out of white trees with green leaves. I felt very clearly that I would be free. But I don’t know at what cost. My questions are:

* Will D be killed in Iraq?
* Will D and I divorce?
* Will my husband have a good relationship with our boys?
* Will our children lead happy lives?
* Will I ever be happy?

Thanks, Julie

Thank you for your note, Julie. Indeed, there is a lot going on energetically for you. You feel incredibly weighed down by responsibility, and that you have sacrificed your happiness for little in return. The reality is, that is exactly what’s happened. You have gotten into the habit of giving up bits of yourself here and there for so long that you have very little left for, or OF yourself. Sacrifice often seems romantic, especially when we’re young. Men and women in their own way are socialized to expect certain levels of sacrifice in relationships. Even among enlightened people many feel sacrifice is necessary. It rarely is, though. Where compromise is a willed even exchange of power, and an agreement to foster growth in yourself and your partner, sacrifice is a willed loss of power. In all of time, there have been very few instances where sacrifice was truly warranted. You do not have to carry the lineage of sacrifice anymore.

Years ago I read in a popular poll that the number one fantasy of married women was that their husband’s die. NOT that they wished their husbands to die, NOT that they had ill will or were planning their demise… The emphasis of the fantasy was on having a perceived clean break, to be able to start over without guilt or baggage of any kind. The more I have explored this with women in my sphere, the need for that trapdoor way out of relationships holds quite true. Traditionally, women have often been hostage in their own marriages, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. I bring this up to you because although your fear of your husband’s death in Iraq is real, your personal desperation on the home front is more pressing. I do not have a sense that his death will be there, or that it won’t. I do not have access to that information as it should be at this time. What your guides are telling me is that you have to have the courage and self respect to make the choices you know you need to for yourself, which means to make them in spite of the unknown. This part of your life is not about what will or will not happen to your husband, but about what level of creative control you are willing to have over your life.

It concerns me that you do not feel your children will lead happy lives. The reality is, the likelihood that they will is very small if their parents don’t. This you can change. This you have control over. Your husband may not be able to do that, but you can. You can not make him; that is his choice and part of what his ego must work out with his soul in this lifetime. I have a very strong sense that your children are teaching him about this inner conflict on some level, even if he does not remain an active part of their lives. In its own way, that is ok. Within healthy reason, let him interact as he will with them. Forcing him to be “father” may actually make things worse. While that distance from him will create karma for all of you to deal with, the significance must be on balancing it, and not recreating it by making demands on your husband that he genuinely at this point in his life is just not up to fulfilling.. There is definitely a block in him around family roles. The thing is, you and the children can balance your karmic ties to what your husband is dealing with, such that you give back to him what is his to deal with and not take it on yourself any further. I’m not suggesting that you not be angry or not express your feelings about his conduct, but that you find the way to flow with it, rather than against it. Realize the point that he cannot hear you, and that you redirect that energy in a way that helps YOU. That will help your stress level and your children more than anything. They are still young enough that they have not forgotten their spiritual natures. Help them hold it. You can learn a lot about how to honor your own from just observing them. They have come into your life intentionally. They CHOSE you. Honor their excellent choice by giving yourself the care and happiness that you need, they will do the same for themselves.

Please seek out the supports you need in making the changes in your life right now. Whatever counseling or legal advice you need, get those supports in place so that you can release stress. If you know energy workers, that type of release is priceless. I know that your nerves are quite frazzled right now, and it is paramount that you reach into your community or family for support. This gesture is going to give not just you, but your children also, more support. I see that there is a network for you to access, but you must make the opening for it to come. Along with that habit of sacrifice, you have developed the habit of not allowing others to be close to you. This distance is a way of recreating the cycle of sacrifice. In short, it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You no longer have to make choices in your life based on fear. You are powerful, and you have powerful spiritual allies. At least two of them are living in your own home. As with every spiritual undertaking, find the means that you communicate with your soul. When you act, speak and live fully in what your soul needs, you have the foundation to create change based in wellbeing and balance. You truly do have everything you need to make the transition to freedom. You are deeply intuitive and aware. Manifest that awareness in positive change. That is the only step you are not taking. My thoughts are with you and your family, Julie.

Career and Life Direction

Dear Kelley,I left a comfortable job with the government service and stepped into commercial sector thinking that I will make it. However, it’s been 3 years, and it seems that I have moved from bad to worse. I have learned a lot and gotten what I want in terms of experience and exposure. More often, whenever I am given a task, I know inside of me that I can do a fantastic job but I just couldn’t give the kind of output I thought I would like to. What is happening? Thanks in advance for your help and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Best regards, Tristen

Thank you for your note, Tristen. There has been a radical shift in the job market in almost every major industry over the last three years. You are far from alone in your feelings of concern and confusion. This transition has been difficult for many to hold, yet it has also refined for many their true paths, when without the bumps in the road, they would never have noticed the scenery around them. Your guides tell me first thing that you need to make part of your belief system that you are capable of knowing and conscientiously making your own path. What you are dealing with is not about a job, or the means by which you support yourself, so much as manifesting your natural abilities into what makes you whole. When you make that transition in thinking and awareness, you will also have manifest the path that supports you. We have a tendency to get locked into thoughts of paying the bills, putting food on the table, defining success in a particular skillset or career, meeting certain financial goals or providing an expected level of creature comforts… None of these things fill the void of not being connected to our path. Few people realize the need for the transition in focus to the soul, and try harder to fill the void with mundane trinkets. A quite modern convention of dealing with this has become believing that one’s job must in and of itself meet and maintain the desired lifestyle AND fulfill the soul. Even in that line of thinking, which is still very ego based, the emphasis is still on meeting the material needs, and very much not those of the soul. It must work in reverse, that when the needs of the soul are met, the mundane is secure.

When I ask what your life purpose is, I get a great deal of confirmation that it has to do with speaking, or teaching. Specifically, teaching others through your own ability to speak your truth, to speak their own. You are a wonderful orator, but this ability has been honed around speaking the truths of others, not your own. In other words, teaching the concepts of others, delivering a message based in a construct not of your own devise, has been the arena in which you displayed these skills. As a result, the skills have reached a point at which they can no longer develop. This is the place you reference in not getting the output you wanted from your efforts. Your efforts are being directed externally, and not internally. The way that these skills develop further is by speaking your own truth. When you speak your truth, you empower not only the words you are saying, the concepts you are expressing, but yourself and those who hear them. It is a rich process of co-creation and manifestation, fostering the same in all who hear you. You also build your own esteem.

Your guides also indicate that you know what your truth is, you just haven’t expressed it, and it has never occurred to you that this omission is affecting your “professional” life. I highly encourage you to begin exercising this ability further by speaking whatever your truth is about the topic at hand. Even if you are only saying it to the mirror, make it a daily ritual to get up in the morning, and first thing say something true to yourself. Create this habit. This practice alone will hone your intuitive abilities exponentially. Practice speaking your truth in the company of others, even if it’s only about food items, or the way your current project is going. You will learn quickly who wants to hear your truth, and who doesn’t, how to deliver it without prejudice, ego, or defense. And as with all authentic action, you will attract those who share your truth, and can help you not only develop all of your skills further, but to expand your truth, itself. You will realize how delicate and precious truth is, also how subjective and ever-shifting. The more you practice this skill of speaking with authenticity the more avenues are going to unfold for you professionally, to the extent that part of your path IS sharing your truth with others on a regular basis.

Value your own worth, your own spiritual insights. If you feel that you have not cultivated your feelings enough to articulate them, do some reading, and especially some soul searching. Learn methods of communicating with your soul. Create that rapport so that you refine this life purpose to utter clarity, so that you can share it. What you have to share is much needed in this world. I look forward to listening. Be well, Tristen!