Throughout the Betwixt Series I’ve emphasized that shamanism isn’t called ‘fire in the head’ for no reason.
Kelley, The spirit of Tara, my ex wife and dear friend, has appeared to a new psychic friend. She seems to be warning me of something harmful that is coming. Three days ago was the seven-year anniversary of her passing, which was very unusual and unexpected in the jungle of Ecuador, while doing Ayahuasca with shamans. Any insight? Thanks, Flash.
Thanks for your note, Flash. The anguished aspect of Tara that I met was still in the jungle. You and I have done work around her death years back, though something that became evident this time was that this aspect of her was being held back on purpose, through no efforts of her own. I realized this as when I met her this time, she pointed behind me to a seething spiritual presence of indigenous magick that draws on the abilities of others. It appeared as a group of men dressed in plants, wool, and body paint.
My understanding from the altercation that transpired between myself and the men was that Tara wasn’t being held only for her intuitive abilities to be usurped by them, but everyone who energetically reached back to the point of her death in an attempt to understand what happened to her or do release work around her death, was being wicked of their abilities, as well. I don’t pretend to know what this presence was, it’s particular method, etc. What was clear is that they were a local force that had long-mastered the ability to draw on the spiritual abilities of others for their own use. They recognized Tara as a powerful intuitive, and they decided to keep this aspect of her soul there for good, to continue using and attract other intuitives to come find her. As these innocents came to help Tara, they would be leeched of power, possibly rendered unable to help Tara. In other words, this magickal force attached to those who have attempted to help Tara, and remained attached, drawing on power from many people over the years–including you. Especially you.
My guides intervened and took over the whole situation. They bound that presence to Nature, such that it can be gradually healed and released. It didn’t feel right to just yank it out and remove it. There was a need for this presence to come to know a more connected, balanced way of holding magickal power. Until such time, it is bound to Nature. Healing was done for Tara, whose final words upon her deathwalk were, “Heal Flash.” All healing that could be done for you and those who have attempted to help Tara over the years was given, and rooted into all present lives.
For you this means a steady return of power you haven’t felt for a long while, or felt but couldn’t hold onto fully. What was being taken from you is now able to be fully possessed by you. There may be emotional healing needed around this, as its return could stir some echoes of grief and longing. Overall, nothing is coming, Flash. It was already there, and needed to go. A light you’ve needed to see for a long time is flickering to life.
Edited to add: This article on ambiguous spiritual tourism and the use of ayahuasca just came out this week.
“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.” ~Jung
So, he’s dead. After a near-decade of terror-on-the-run, Osama Bin Laden is dead. I remember watching the second tower when it was struck. I remember watching the ego and hopes of a nation reduced to rubble in seconds. We will never forget it; we can never forget it. I also remember feeling distinctly attuned to Doing The Right Thing, in how we responded–that our reactions honor those who died in the cultural shadow that is the Twin Towers. I remember not wanting the days of war that spawned shortly after, or how those days have now turned into years.
I don’t celebrate death–anyone’s–not even that of a sociopathic criminal intent on the subjugation of anyone who didn’t support his ideologies. Yet I clearly feel no guilt over the loss of him, and no grief for the loved ones who survive him. I don’t even feel guilty for that lack, and this perhaps, should bother me most. Only in that uncomfortable realization do I find compassion and remember that I am as human as he, even if I struggle to believe that.
Amidst the many paths we take to reach spiritual enlightenment, the reality is we live here, in the formed realm. In the Earth plane there has to be regime change, and it’s not polite handshakes, changing of guards, or moving in of new furniture. It would be nice if we had that peaceful negotiation and promise of bliss, and if everyone got a long. The thing is, if taking this guy out puts us a step closer to having that, so be it.
It’s not so much that he’s dead. It’s that in the absence of his commanding fanaticism, a few more people will live.
 “Psychology and Religion” (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.131
I read your story on what Saturn gave you. It really touched me. I am a September Libra, and as you know, I now have Saturn in Libra. Any Insights? Linda
Thanks for writing, Linda. Your concern is duly noted. I have a Libra moon, which is curiously productive and stabilizing, and is now insisting that I value and be authentic in relationships. I never thought I’d turn to the Sun for shade. Along that line, in Libra, Saturn’s focus is relationships and how they are an extension of ourselves. The usual indecisiveness attributed to Libras is more balanced and manageable. In Libra, what weights the other end of the scale is our ‘shadow’ self, our Other we rarely if ever talk about. It is this facet of self that has the most emphasis for you during this Saturn-Libra dance.
To do this reading I call in your guides, who show me a triangulated dynamic that is the focus of the next three years. What I see is your earthly consciousness, another woman, and a man. The other woman in the dynamic is furious at the man, who doesn’t feel like he is completely in the formed world. If he isn’t, he is an attachment dominating your energy and you should seek depossession help. If he is in the formed world, he is not physically present or active in your life, as his essence is barely rooted here. He feels to be a man who hurt you badly, if not one that has already died. At any rate, this other woman is your shadow.
To get specific insight into this dynamic, I call in the big gun, himself, the spirit of Saturn. His presence is leaden, but not in a heavy, cumbersome way. Rather, he is solid, reliable, dependable. I ask him what the primary focus is for you during this time, and he emphasizes shadow work. I ask him how shadow is represented in this triad. He says, “The shadow is light.” Lovely metaphor, but he literally means that in this era of Saturn, it is appropriate for your more controlled, subdued conscious approach to life to take a backseat to your real, primal truth, which is screaming, “Run for the hills!” where the connection with this man is concerned. This man feels like a slow bleed, perhaps so slowly that you’re not aware just how toxic his energy is in your life. On a conscious level you have tolerated his mild annoyance, maybe even enabled him to some degree. What I see is that on a conscious level, you have achieved intellectual peace with his misdeeds, but at an unconscious level visceral parts of yourself are still hurting, raw, and very angry. That kind of split is common in wound dynamics. We do what we have to do to find peace day-to-day. Saturn is holding your hand in an effort to help you find a deeper peace, for all time. Shedding this relationship is the primary focus of the next few years. I feel that the real challenge for you isn’t in letting the man go, but in healing the parts of you he’s affected, and letting go of habits, crutches you’ve created to sustain living with the energy drain that he has been.
You are up to the task. In doing this reading I drew a card from The Wise Woman’s Tarot. The card is the Seven of Wands, represented in this mythos by the female warrior Scathach, the Scottish “Shadowy One.” Her message is that yes, you are under attack, and you are up to the task of victory.
Question: Hello Kelley ~ I am a 45 year old female (8/26), living in the Detroit area and have been unemployed for the last year and cannot seem to get a break. It’s been a very difficult last year with family issues, having who I thought was my best and oldest friend completely discard me (along with other ‘friends’ who have not truly been there in these difficult times), having a financial strain and along with it absolutely no romantic relationship. I may have made some poor decisions on moving a couple of times that led me to this point and this is not the city that I had planned on living in again. It has been a difficult five years, with the last year (4/2004 to current) being the worst. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and have tried to learn from my past errors and remain open to possibilities, but things seem to stay dormant. Why has it been so difficult for me? Why can I not seem to get employed or meet someone to form a relationship? What am I not seeing? ~ Thanks and Best, Eliana
Thanks for your note, Eliana. I don’t think it is about what you are not seeing. This stagnation is about what you are not grieving. You have pushed yourself incredibly hard with little or no break, and have given no deeper regard for just how painful things have been, and how much this era has changed you as a person. I’m not suggesting you haven’t felt pain, but that you have not dealt with it in such a way as to give a voice and to let it move through and beyond you. Your method of coping has been very active: doing, fixing, solving. All of those are fine, and show your true champion spirit. Your nature is to get up however bruised and battered, and still make sure everyone has a good breakfast. Remember that for every champion out there fighting the good fight is an inner reserve tending the fire. Your fire tender needs attention now. When I ask her what she carries for you, and what you need to acknowledge about her, she says, “Rage. Hurt. Humiliation.” These shadow feelings have been the motivation for the improvements you are trying to make in your life. Acting out of this dark well has stunted your ability to move into free will. You have to release this deeper grief, so that you can make choices not from anger and feelings of betrayal, but from your higher awareness and truth. Take the time that you need to express these feelings as emotions released. Whatever process you need to go through to release them, to recapitulate them in their entirety–writing them down longhand (including the names, situations and events that go along with them), all of your feelings, the entire chronology, thank your champion and your fire tender, then let those emotions be taken away on the smoke of the pages your burn. It doesn’t help you to hold on to them; and letting go can free you immensely to feel better, and create what you want in life around you.
I do feel that you are not in a geographical area that is well suited to you. You thrive best in a small city, where you can feel both the pulse of life, and that of Nature. Tapping into both of those rhythms helps you connect with yourself.