Tag: seizure

New Motherhood and a Near Life Experience

Hello Kelley-
Immediately following the birth of my son I had an eclamptic seizure. I had another two hours later, at which point I was medically sedated and put in intensive care for my son’s first night of life. I feel there is a spiritual lesson to be gained from this experience, but I’m having a hard time accessing it. Since then, almost two years ago, I’ve had a difficult time feeling as in-tune spiritually. It’s hard to tell if that’s just new motherhood or tied to the seizures. Any insight would be so helpful! Thank you, E

Thanks for your note, E. I commend you for examining your experience at a deeper level, when new motherhood is already a challenging life change. Seizures and coma are acute experiences of soul separation, or “soul shelving” as I often refer to it. It is natural for aspects of the soul to wander in and out. Through this unconscious travel our consciousness expands. However, sometimes soul aspects that need to return can’t. That’s when chronic imbalance sets in, and is where physical, emotional, and spiritual dis-ease manifests.

When I ask to see the moment of your first seizure from a spiritual perspective I am shown that your body took that moment to show you part of your personal story that you needed to see, but couldn’t see from an earthly vantage point. In that moment I see you in a space between lives, in a very bright golden light, meeting with a maternal feminine presence. I don’t have a feel for who she is or was in your current manifestation, though she is or was in form with you in this manifestation at some point (and others prior). She shares with you how happy she is for you, that she’s been caretaking the soul of your son until he could go to you, and that she would see you again. This was a peaceful exchange that did not get to complete as you needed it to. Perhaps your doctor intervened, or your state of being just didn’t allow you to hold it. There was something more that you needed from that presence and it did not come–something said, a gift given or received, gratitude expressed. An exchange of energy with this presence did not get to happen that you needed to. Being yanked back into your body left you emotionally raw and somewhat etherically super-charged. Despite the joy at sharing with this woman in this space, not getting closure in the exchange on top of the delight of having a new son overwhelmed you. I call these near life experiences. They are akin to being rudely awakened from a great dream, just short of cathartic enlightenment.

When I ask to see the source of the second seizure intense feelings of missing this feminine presence smother me. My feeling is that part of your soul was trying to get back to that place where you met her in the initial seizure. When you found that you couldn’t, a deep emotional shock rippled through your field and stayed with you. In essence, by being so emotionally moved at the first visit, the sadness at not being able to achieve it again took precedence over the joy of the first visit.

I ask to see your life force now and how this experience has manifest for you. You have recovered very well, and have managed to create your life force in a stronger way than it was before motherhood (go you!). I do still see that there is a thread of sadness in clinging to this feminine presence. It’s not a major impediment to you. You are extremely intuitive, devoutly aware and active in the unseen. Yet, there is a perpetual feeling that something is missing, unfinished. Whatever this unfinished business is, it influences your ability to feel like you can healthily and thoroughly pass on your etheric lineage and wisdom to those who come after you. I suspect it also draws on how ancestral wisdom was passed (or not) to you.

However this chapter of your soul’s narrative strikes you, what do you need to say? Even if nothing comes to you that you would say to this feminine presence, in life right now, what do you need to say that you don’t? What is the deepest thing in your heart that you hold back? This is the thing that you need to go back to that space and speak.

In a meditative space, imagine meeting this presence and speak these things. However it forms, let it–even if it’s not like I described. If you don’t feel comfortable approaching it that way, autowrite. Allow that feminine presence to have your nondominant hand for a session, then begin writing. Whatever comes, just write, scribble, even if it doesn’t make sense. Attempt it several times over a few days, making sure to close each session by thanking the presence and flinging your hands, flexing them a bit to get your neurology back to normal. If there is another way that you feel comfortable experiencing a return to this space–ecstatic journey, drawing it in art, journaling–let it come. How you do it is up to you. The need is that you find the way to reconnect with this feminine presence and let her know what you needed to then, as much as now.

Beyond this closure, if feelings related to ancestral lineage not having properly passed to you persist, this is something to look into with a healer. If I can help in any way I would be glad to, E. Dream well.

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Soul Isolation and Seizures

Kelley– I was misdiagnosed with epileptic seizures at the age of 15, and was put on many different anticonvulsant medications for over 10 years. None of it helped, and none of my EEG’s showed conclusive evidence of epileptic seizures. I have only recently realized that my seizures are due to some kind of spiritual blockage. I have been able to control them better, but not completely, and would love some insight into what I need to do further to either have them under complete control, or to harness their power. When I was a teenager, and my spiritual awakening began, I had very vivid, powerful dreams, I could dream walk, I had prophetic dreams, I could communicate with my spirit guides easily. I can no longer do this, and it is rare that I have restful sleep. Any insight into this problem would be immensely appreciated! Love and blessings! – Niki

Thanks for your note, Niki. You may find helpful info in a previous post on seizures, though the message that I got from your guides is that some facet of your soul is seeking a different way to express that deeper part of your consciousness. Specifically, this is sought through training in spirit walking, or shamanic journeying. The aspect of your soul that I met with indicated that she is eager and waiting for you to work with her in learning to journey out with purpose to some intended healing. My feeling is that this will sate the part of you needing that release and expression, and it will help manage your physical symptoms.

Also, if you can acquire a naturally formed salt water pearl, this is a powerful fetish to have in your toolbox of spirit travel allies. It came to me very prominently in working with this aspect of you. If you have or can get one, keep it with you when you sleep, and as you adventure into learning to journey. The salt water pearl brings you grounding between spaces, and assures your ability to bring something beautiful from discomfort.

We don’t have to possess every fetish presented to us, though. In fact–we shouldn’t where sustainability (and in some cases legality) is concerned. It’s enough to call in the life force of the salt water pearl and work with it that way. You can even engage it through a picture of one.

Generally speaking, seizures occur when a facet of the soul attempts to leave the body but is confined for some reason.  The soul is infinite, and aspects of it naturally come and go as they need to.  This is how our consciousness expands, provokes new thoughts and beliefs.  When an aspect of the soul wanders out due to trauma and can’t return, shamans consider this state soul loss, or soul separation.  Soul loss can manifest in many ways, such as chronic doubt, depression, pain.   Soul parts are returned through a process known as soul retrieval.    The phenomenon you have experienced can feel just as bad–when a soul part needs to wander out to expand and release, yet can’t.  This state leaves you feeling trapped in yourself and spiritually isolated.

I don’t recommend learning to journey alone.  Let me know where you are located and I can help you find a teacher. If you are open to distance learning, I can help you with that. I don’t think this means that you have to commit to the servitude of shaman hood or hone the intuitive skills of a mystic, so much as just give yourself this outlet for now. Cultivate it and stay open to what it brings. I wish you healthy, passionate travels, Niki!

Seizures and the Spiritual Experience

Back in the day, the original inception of Intentional Insights was a reader Q&A on spiritual experiences, shamanism, and animism. This question, this post, remains one of the top three read posts on my site. If you suffer with seizures, know that it is a spiritual experience, that still requires medical management. If I can help you with the spiritual aspects of it, feel free to schedule a session.

Kelley, My daughter (BA), who is thirteen, recently began having seizures. They say she is not epileptic, that the seizures are pyschogenic. I can accept this diagnosis, but the triggers are always when she is stressed, after she’s been sick. We are currently in the hospital and the doctors make both of us feel as if we’re crazy. I just have this feeling that we are missing something. Am I right? Should I keep searching for a new diagnosis, or are the doctors in the hospital correct? Because it’s not a clean cut case, I feel as if she is quickly dismissed. Thanks, A.

Thanks for your note, A. People who have seizures of any kind are having a spiritual experience. Seizures, in a shamanic context, are seen as a facet of the soul trying to move in and out of the body–which is natural. We all do it all the time, and are supposed to. Such movement is in part how we elevate our consciousness and deeper our awareness. When there’s some kind of conflict around that transition, or when going out feels better (escapist) than coming in, the transition gets bumpy, and in extremes can result in what we call a seizure. In shamanic lingo, this is soul loss, or “shelving,” as may be more appropriate. The difference can be radical between soul loss and soul shelving.

Soul shelving may be more of a power leak, like when you get a cut on your arm. It’s not a vital loss, yet it needs to be tended. If it isn’t tended infection can set in, greater blood loss can occur. Soul loss is when a significant component required to function at a fit earthly level has left the body. This can manifest as minor as dissociation, which can still be very debilitating, depending on the circumstances, or it can be as severe as seizure or coma. We all experience shifts in availability of soul/power throughout life. The question is when it comes as the result of trauma and doesn’t return fully on its own, how much it affects us on a daily basis.

When the soul/power can’t return fully, a soul retrieval is required. Soul retrieval is a technique shamans use to bring the power back and/or bring healing as its needed, so that disruption is minimized or stopped. How that healing manifests is different for everyone. It may mean the seizures end.

When I interact with the aspect of BA who can inform me on the source of her seizures, I am met by a flaming representation of herself. The figure is a young girl, literally on fire from head to toe. She’s so angry she’s hopping and jumping; she can’t stand still. She’s yelling and screaming at the top of her voice.

Though she doesn’t quite have a context for it, BA realizes that she’s coming into the power of womanhood and finding her voice, as well as hitting against the brutal truth that culturally no one is listening. She’s begun to tap into the misogynistic currents in the world, and she’s learning that all women are on the same team, no matter how old they are, what they do, where they live, what color they are. In other words, she finally sees herself as on the way to Grown Up, as an individual who is part of a whole, and she’s feeling that as a female, she is still relegated to second rate citizen. She’s disgusted with the idea so much that her earthly consciousness can’t express the depth of anger or frustration she’s feeling. Those feelings are being carried by this soul aspect, in a safer, removed experience of herself, in another spiritual layer. BA has also begun experiencing the political aspect of gender and bias firsthand in her peer group, and in general has become more sensitive to it at an Earth level. Thus far her ability to react to that personal and collective hurt has been to be both profoundly provoked to rail against it and subsequently to shutdown, all at once. These opposing reactions are triggered by conflict between what she feels to be true and sublime in her consciousness (acceptance of The Feminine), and what she sees going on in the world around her (patriarchy). She internalizes that distress, resulting in her soul truth and worldy observation disconnecting. This is the point at which she has a seizure. She feels the feminine wound and leaves her body, fleetingly. BA is extremely intuitive and does not have the emotional development to process the level of feelings she experiences when this happens, so she passes them to this flaming aspect, the facet of her soul where her anger has amassed.

Mudras

Mudras

When I speak with this aspect, she pretty much tells me to go screw myself until I express to her that I agree with her 100%, and that I’m not here to quell her anger, but to help shed some light on how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t hurt BA. She did not realize that her passionate anger was hurting BA. I explain to her that BA has a physical reaction to these fits of anger, and because of the seizures has come under scrutiny from doctors—another patriarchal system. The aspect doesn’t like that at all. I tell her there are better, more empowering ways to express anger, and that in order for BA to feel empowered amidst the things she sees and feels that are unfair to women, this aspect has to learn to turn anger into motivation to be part of the change in this realm.

The aspect goes up for healing, and she’s transformed into a lovely, calm young woman. Also, an enormous white egret comes back with her, whom is BA’s animal guide. I talk further with the healed aspect, and she is fully in compliance with being a force of positive change for the feminine principle in Earth’s strata, and she deeply loves BA and is ready to help her process feelings and thoughts that come up. BA is vastly empathetic and she picks up on more hurt and sorrow in the world than many do, certainly more than her peers do. The egret suggests a necklace of clear quartz for her to wear to feel connected to All That Is, to help her feel connected with the wisdom that all souls are equal. He also suggests placing smoky quartz around or under her bed, to whisk away errant energies that she may pick up on during the day.

Until BA develops more pervasive coping skills, she needs to process the feelings stirred by the world and personal situation by setting aside time to be angry, regularly. Maybe it could be a family adventure, where everyone gets to yell and pillow fight for half an hour a week. Each person could even name what they’re angry about. And/or, get that girl in kick boxing class. If you feel she can handle that kind of exertion, she needs a physical outlet to help her connect feelings to body empowerment. Eventually something like tai chi, that soothes and focuses, could be excellent moving meditation for her. Right now so many hormones and feelings are churning that safe, trained expression of them is imperative. BA is having an “other” experience, because she’s very sensitive and in tune with things around her. Some reading about spiritual emergency may be useful for you both. If you haven’t opened dialogue with her around intuition and what it is, how to work with it, things she may have experienced but been afraid to mention during childhood… now is the perfect time. There are many intuitive children who learn early on not to talk about the unseen. BA has a lot to bring to the world with her level of awareness. Luckily she has an observant and wise mother like you to help her.

Be well, A!