Tag: physical health

Higher Consciousness Shopping

Real Wyrd - A Modern Shaman's Roots in the Middle World by S. Kelley Harrell

Read more spooky stories in “Real Wyrd – A Modern Shaman’s Roots in the Middle World,” my collection of true paranormal experiences as a lifelong intuitive.

Every year for Samhain I publish accounts of my more charged, and in some cases creepy, spiritual pursuits. The Dead Time is a treasured journey to Solstice, and as it is a time of untime, the shadowed season presents a great opportunity to tell the stories that many who do shamanic work won’t tell–the occasions when things don’t go well or the unseen presents itself unexpectedly. You may recognize some of these accounts from my previous stories, while others are more recent. Enjoy the solitude of the darkness, and know the light will soon warm!

Apparently the American trend of vast strip malls is a bad idea, energetically speaking, as it seems I have quite a few stories of odd experiences in them. I’m fairly sure I’m not the only one. This event in particular happened in the Winter of 2006.

On my way home from work one day I went to the newest, shiniest Wal-mart in Raleigh. The whole MegaloCenter area on which it is situated is very discordant for me and I don’t go there often at all. As it was, a specific item that I needed was only at that location, so off I went. From the second I passed through the enormous automated doors something was wrong. I literally felt a twinge in my head, like a synapse torqued funny and the tingly effect of it rippled through my whole body and into my etheric field. I truly should have turned around and left immediately but my consumerist hunter-gatherer instincts were having none of it. Once inside the fluorescent patina reflected off my skin and I hesitated to get my navigational bearings. When I did, I noticed something very odd: it sounded like a radio was on, inside my head.

I am quite clairaudient so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the buzz at first. As I made my way through the store, I began to realize that when I passed directly by certain people, the buzz would clarify into distinct words and phrases. I noticed that the voices changed as I passed by different people. I passed a young couple and had two voices go through my head at once, lovebirds individually cooing over each other. Then I passed a woman and heard a proliferation of expletives about having to find a specific item for someone else. It wasn’t until I passed a little girl of about six or seven years old holding the hand of an old man that I realized what was going on. When I passed her I heard a little voice begging for someone to please get her away from this mean man, I realized I was hearing peoples’ thoughts. I was spontaneously, though unintentionally, cosmically eavesdropping. I recognized the phenomenon for what it because it happens almost every night when I lie down to sleep. In hypnagogic states most people see abstract visuals—blurbs light or random scenes, until they shift into sleep. For those who are aware, this state is the precursor to lucid dreaming. I do sometimes see odd visuals in pre-sleep but most of the time I flip through the bandwidth of the Universe, hearing anonymous conversations, voices, music. It quite literally sounds like a radio dial skimming stations, never quite settling on one for any length of time, though the phrases that manage to come through are distinct. Sometimes I hear several conversations and languages before I fall to sleep. This bedtime ritual I gave in to early in my childhood, and I never really think about it too much.
However, standing in the middle of Wal-mart I couldn’t think of anything. My head was full of everyone else. I had never felt anything like it before, and frankly I never had reason to consider it possible. As soon as I processed that the little girl was experiencing deep distress about the man with whom she walked, I began to project back to her, telling her that she was powerful and she could overcome anything that she needed to. I told her that I was with her and loads of angels and lightbeings walked with her, and that we would all do our best to take care of her. I felt sick at that point. I didn’t want to hear anything else. I forewent the object of my trip and started to make my way out of the store.

As soon as I stepped out of the door there was an audible crackling in my head and I had an instant migraine. It hurt so badly that I was in disbelief that I wasn’t bleeding somewhere. I hadn’t had a migraine in a few years, and never had one so suddenly. My head hurt all the way home, and I still heard voices that whole time. I lay down, everything spinning inside me and out. I tracked the pain to a specific spot in my head and in it I felt a rapid exchange of information—the cosmic equivalent of some Universal mainframe. It wasn’t harmful, per se, but it seemed that the physical pain itself was coming from the furious exchange of data. I asked my guides to come in and facilitate as gently as possible whatever was going on in my brain, and in about 45 minutes the headache was gone, and I was the only one in my head.

I maintain that the ground beneath that shopping center houses some kind of hyper-charged grid that is not getting along with the supersuburbia atop it. I don’t know what alignment of elements triggered the event in the store—timing, aliens, dental work, planets… I don’t know.

Personally, I like to think I was upgraded.

Angel Download

Real Wyrd - A Modern Shaman's Roots in the Middle World by S. Kelley Harrell

Read more spooky stories in “Real Wyrd – A Modern Shaman’s Roots in the Middle World,” my collection of true paranormal experiences as a lifelong intuitive.

Every year for Samhain I publish accounts of my more charged, and in some cases creepy, spiritual pursuits. The Dead Time is a treasured journey to Solstice, and as it is a time of untime, the shadowed season presents a great opportunity to tell the stories that many who do shamanic work won’t tell–the occasions when things don’t go well or the unseen presents itself unexpectedly. You may recognize some of these accounts from my previous stories, while others are more recent. Enjoy the solitude of the darkness, and know the light will soon warm!

The year 2007 was rather strange for me, for several reasons, largely because two vastly significant segments of my life intertwined. In that timeframe health conditions that I had been managing through an intense spiritual emergency came to a head (which are covered in a subsequent story), as well as I began to have mindful interactions with Star People. I’d read stories of experiences in which people had stellar visitors who affected their neural functioning, in essence ‘changing their hardware’ to ready them for emerging frequencies coming into the planet. I’d never felt myself as part of that strata of experience. I was a shaman, an earth-dweller, a Nature spirit in my own right. I’d had many experiences journeying out into the starry vast Unknown, but I had not experienced that facet of the Unknown venturing to me. Many of my colleagues communicate with that level Intelligent Light, reporting such physical sensations of ringing in the ears or feeling as though a cool drop of water was falling on the third eye as indicators that such a base interaction was occurring. I had no reason to think that I would engage in that facet of spirit communication, and that was fine. Truth told I always found it somewhat hokey, talking with angels and aliens. By most measures I’ve had my hands full unraveling the myriad experiences of the wryd throughout my life, I didn’t need to court something more.

In the fall of 2006 I began to have migraines. I’d not experienced migraines since my first bout with them in 1999, the time I now look to as the beginning of my spiritual emergency, or what could have been one of several such etheric crises. What made this episode of discomfort different was that my face went almost completely numb on the left side, and I suddenly could not hear well and had problems reading. All sound seemed to be at a great distance, tinged with a persistent low ringing. Visually it seemed as though I had suddenly become dyslexic, only it wasn’t just that letters and words inverted on a page. I had begun seeing symbols that were unrecognizable along with upside down letters and blank spaces mid-sentence. With the rapid onset of all of these symptoms I returned to the neurologist I’d seen years before. Medical exams yielded nothing changed or harmful in my brain. The neurologist tried to convince me that I had always been dyslexic but at the age of thirty-five just “hadn’t noticed” until now. Being the sort who knew she wanted to be a writer at the age of five and who set her entire scholastic agenda to that outcome, I knew this was a new development and that I had not been latently dyslexic. My sense was that something major was going on etherically, a very profound shifting of synaptic wiring, so to speak. Medically, no diagnosis was reached.

Headaches persisted over the next few months and I began to have a very difficult time articulating myself. The visual phenomenon had abated for the most part, but my hearing was still quite affected by what was happening to me. I consulted my spirit guides ongoing, who informed me that my etheric form was shifting at a rate far more rapid than my physical form could comfortably withstand. As well, they told me that I was clearing out chakral clutter, which was resulting in various chakras elevating into vastly different vibrations than I was used to overall, and that other chakras were feeling very uncomfortable as they had not reached that point of elevation yet.

While I felt their assessment to be fact and I found peace in that confidence, I was physically miserable. I began having headaches more severely and sought out a fresh perspective on my neurological landscape. In early March of 2007 I went to a different neurologist who also held a rather holistic practice as an osteopath. She immediately confirmed that I had not suddenly become dyslexic, but that indeed a cerebral event had occurred. From her perspective it was imperative to assess just what that event was. From my perspective I wanted to see how the body’s mapping was changing to suit my new etheric territory. I consented to the testing that she wanted to do, which initially included another MRI. The results of this MRI were different than the one I’d had six months prior, revealing scaring on the brain as the cause, according to my doctor, of the physical symptoms I was having. In order to rule out deeper implications for the cause of the scaring she ordered more tests.

About a week later I was cruising down Raleigh’s outer beltline when in a flash I felt a ripple go through not just my body but the whole car and space around it, and I saw a split second visual of a group of lanky silvery grey Beings standing in a walled space surrounded by huge boxy electrical conductors. Though blended they felt predominantly feminine, and they were looking back at me through the windshield the way one looks at animals through glass in a zoo. As soon as the Beings realized that I could see them they gasped and appeared rather sheepishness, imparting a very clear sense of playfulness at being caught stirring the cosmic cookie jar. In another blink before me was only highway. I heard the murmur of a collective voice say, “she knows we just pushed this down.” I heard other voices, but they were hypnagogic, fluid, not unlike a melody. I heard this soft strain the rest of the way home.

The intensity and pervasiveness of this experience was very much like my strange mind-reading experience at Walmart, only the data coming in this time was purely pleasant. As I drove along, bemused, the meaning of this exchange was perfectly clear. I’ve read many instances in archaic history and modern experience of Star Beings collectively injecting radical transformation to passively open up options to an energetically stagnant populace. I never had cause to disbelieve it but I’d never experienced such personally. This intervention had been personal in that I felt it, but it also stretched beyond me over the land, in the space between the Earth and the firmament. It was not personal and yet was custom fitted to every Being who could receive it in this plane.

For all the strange encounters that I’ve read about, this one I saw happen—an image opened in my mind that did not originate from me–and I knew it was a radical transition being gifted us instantly. The entire event lasted about six seconds and I felt like I was surrounded by a silvery aura that was not my own afterward, like an etheric cushion so I wouldn’t hurt myself with my new information, a buffer to assimilate. I laughed the rest of the way home. I realized then that my wyrd had moved up to an entirely new level.

Medically, my doctor performed a lumbar puncture to discern the origin of the scaring on my brain. The results of this were normal, though an unrelated but peculiar outcome was the revelation that I apparently tend to be lower then the norm on spinal fluid, which can create a collection of annoyances, none of them particularly threatening. I walked away from the physical observation of the changes in my body know that my brain had indeed been remapped, a cause for concern to my neurologist, though to me it was a mirror of what I knew to be happening in the shifting template of my life force.

The last event in that sequence of changes came almost ten days later. In the early hours of sunlight I lucidly became aware of existing in two spaces at once. I was aware of myself lying in my bed, though I was also lying in what appeared to be an encampment in another plane. The scenery was a small arrangement of beige tents and bedding flanked by tall waving grasses of a meadow. There was a rather bleak feel to the space, though, as if it was a temporary meeting place between realms, a multiplanar MASH unit. I found myself lying on a beige pallet on the ground, surrounding by about 20-30 others reclining nearby. They, too were consciously aware of their location and of being outside the bodies. I recognized one of the people as a childhood playmate, someone I’d not seen in years. A Being stood over me, fairly masculine in energy, and quite a large presence. I felt him reaching into my head, specifically into the area of my brain that bore the scars. I felt him moving things around and became extremely agitated. I fought him quite hard, all the while having an inner dialogue with my spirit guides. They told me that it was his job to “install” the etheric component of the changes that had been made in my physiology and that it was up to me to decide if I wanted to allow it.

“Will the headaches stop if I allow this?” I asked them.

They informed me that gradually they would abate with this new balance of energy.

“What will it change in me?” I asked.

As soon as I formed the thought, the Being plunged its “chip” into my brain. I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through my body and crackle far out into my etheric form. My ego was quite distressed about its gruff methodology, though I knew that having uttered my last question I was expressing positive intent. By the time the energy traveled several feet out into my form I felt marvelous. I felt an indescribable cellular rapport, as if I was finally able to experience all of myself in a basic formed manifestation.

Indeed my neurological symptoms did calm significantly after the culmination of this series of events. I began to see silvery white orbs on a daily basis that I know to be the consciousness of creatures guiding us into a much wider practice of experiencing ourselves in this plane.

Energy Imbalances and Wellbeing

Recently, I’ve been receiving a lot of inquiries based on the same topics. I take this as further validation of collective transition, and over the next few months will be responding to many of these questions collectively. Please continue to submit questions about private matters, and I will be glad to feature, those, as well. To that end, I’ve had several inquiries of late that deal with physical and psychological conditions.  Finding that each of them shares the common concern on how beliefs affect our health, I am choosing to address them in a single overview of how health conditions are viewed and approached in a shamanic context.  This response is not a template for approaching every energetic imbalance.  As there are often similarities in conditions, there are always unique differences.

There are some common beliefs around perceived poor health, the first being that the condition is “bad.”  Within the consciousness of that life form and in the spiritual consciousness, itself, there is no concept of good or bad.  The condition just is.  Demonizing states of being is like saying “trees are bad,” or “the sky is good.”  It is an attempt to create disjoint from something that is otherwise neutral.  When we call something bad our body and mind has a reaction to that statement.  Think about the terminology used to describe conditions and consider what feelings are evoked by words such as, “illness” or “sick.”  Do you feel supported when you say them?  Does saying them make you feel better?  Generally such wording only reinforces the compromised state of health, because that terminology leaves us feeling emotionally less.  When our emotions engage that determines how something influences us.  If it makes us feel happy, we feel well.  What makes us feel sad, angry, depressed, leaves us feeling sore, tired, and weak.  In that light, specifically how we feel dictates our reality, feelings being the reaction to how we think.  Casting life force into a good or bad polarity does not help the healing process.  If anything, doing so hinders it.  To that end, regarding such a condition as energy that is no longer functioning at its highest capacity in that location is more useful.  In short, it’s energy in the wrong place.  Allowing it to move to a place where it can be functional or released back to All That Is, is the focus.

Another belief that we tend to hold toward our perception of health is that the illness knows that it is harmful and is willfully creating harm.  There can be unique factors around this, but in most cases that I’ve worked with the condition did not realize that it was causing harm.  In fact, it did not even realize that it was in a non-useful place.  This isolated view of self also is frequently witnessed in depossession and in psychopomp work, and is resolved by having an open discourse with the life force on the current state of things, the effect it’s having, and one hopes, by then facilitating its movement to a more useful place.

How to Heal Toxic Thoughts by Sandra IngermanIt’s not easy to change our vocabulary or our beliefs for expressing how we feel about physical or psychological conditions.  In some cases, elaborating on how poorly we feel is socially more accepted than celebrating how great we feel.  The phrase ‘misery loves company,’ doesn’t stir strong emotions for no reason. Creating discord is a lot easier than engendering harmony, and that is no more true than in matters of wellbeing. Regardless, allow yourself a head start in changing your unconscious perspective on health.  During my recent pregnancy and postpartum I found Sandra Ingerman’s How to Heal Toxic Thoughts: Simple Tools for Personal Transformation very useful in creating a way to speak how I felt in my mind and body that alleviate them, and I highly recommend it for that purpose.  Putting new thought patterns and methods in place for how to create health will be more easily done in a state of calm.  That is not to say that it is too late to address these when feeling compromised.  We are always ready to begin, and we’re always ready to feel well.

Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading.

A Starseed from Way Back

Dear Kelley, I have a health related question. Since last year (2004), I have had 3 occurrences of a very bad rash that has been cropping up on my body. I have been to doctors, allergists, dermatologists and they all labeled it as “contact dermatitis,” meaning I had an allergic reaction to something that I ate, came in contact with, etc. The rash doesn’t seem to follow any type of pattern and each time it has cropped up on different parts of my body. My question is that I’m wondering if the cause is more emotional/stress related than an actual allergic reaction to something? I’m wondering if something is going on where I’m bringing this on myself. Thanks for your input!!

Thanks for your note, Jana. You have not brought this on yourself. Free yourself of the frustration that has led you down that line of thinking, cos it’s not a factor. This is very much a contact disturbance, but not in the way that your doctors have indicated.

When I approach your guides, I immediately break out into a rash all over my arms. A hand reaches out to pull me along a wooded path, and I see my benefactor is a dark-skinned woman wearing a very plain dark dress, with a cream colored binding covering her head and hair. The further she leads me into the woods, this rash spreads over my body. Every leaf that brushes against me, the air that I take in, the pressure of earth under my feet… all of these external things contribute to my surface unrest. The woman finally leads me to a hut with a fire burning in front of it. The area is deep in the dark woods, nothing and no one near for miles, and it is a freezing cold night. Oblivious to the atmosphere, she sits me down and coats me in this pink plaster-like substance to soothe the rash, and I realize that she is your guide. I ask her where she is from, and she gives me this huge wild woman teethy grin. It strikes me then that she is from the southern hemisphere, and we are distinctly in the woods of the north western United States, if not Canada. Nothing about her meager dwelling or well-kept surroundings would indicate that she is not from this area. But her clothing, skin, and energy are clearly South American. When I ask her again where she is from, she points to the stars, and I understand what is causing your discomfort being on this planet.

I ask her to tell me the story of you, and she begins to feed me a warm broth as she talks. She speaks a very strange language made up of tones not words, but tells me that she is most certainly not from the area in which she currently dwells, but that she has adapted fully to live there and do her work. She tells me that you have not adapted to your new atmosphere. When she attempts to explain where you are really from, I don’t have the sense that it is a planet different from Earth; rather, a *dimension* different than our comprehended Universe. Determining your source is not so easy as following a ley line from here to a star and recording the path. You are from a very intricate, and yet somehow incredibly simplistic life force that is not very used to matter, and not very fond of the level of complication incurred by life on this bluegreen ball. You are not used to barriers of any kind-on your ability to create and manifest, or even that of skin to attempt to “hold you all in one place.”

So why did you sign up for it if it’s getting under your skin this badly? Morganna, as your guide is now identifying herself, tells me that you have not incarnated on this planet, or anywhere, very often. Being in skin is not very comfortable to you, and that “limitation” has created other disturbances in your form off and on through this life. I ask her point blank your reason for coming here, and she gets up, walking around her abode, but is silent. I ask her why she came to this place from her home, and she whirls around, nothing but eager to talk, and she tells me that she is an anchor, a placeholder, so that the others have a place to come when it is their time. I know that she is not talking about a South American home, but her star ancestors, your contemporaries.

You have come here to pave a way for others who are from your source. In other words, you came as a scout, to find a place to create a sacred space for some work to be done. Others of your star lineage are coming to help you hold this space and do this work. The rash has evolved from you not wanting to “adapt” to life here. You have interpreted adaptation as having to sacrifice your higher abilities, your starness in order to create this sacred space. There’s been anger around this, frustration, sheer annoyance from feeling that 3D limits your truth. The thing is, upon coming here, part of your truth became 3D, which means part of your power did, part of your beauty… You haven’t held this dimension in very high regard at all, which means you have not held part of yourself in high regard. To you, 3D is a dirty auto repair shop with greasy parts and tools lying everywhere, with few mechanics who really know what the part and tools can do. You’re a mechanic, and to release this rash, you’re going to have to use those 3D tools. A big part of it just respecting 3D space, and not seeing it as less, or as some unidentifiable crud that’s going to rub off and make you itch. Being able to honor this plane will only strengthen your ability to create and hold space for your tribe to come and do its work. I’m not talking about tree hugger kind of admiration and respect-you already have a fond rapport with Nature. This is about respecting form, remembering that all form is spirit manifest, and remembering in that knowledge there is no difference. Home is you, Jana. Be well!

Death Opens Doorways

Dear Kelley, My husband died a little over a year ago. He was ill but his death was unexpected and was very traumatic for me and our daughters. Our marriage had been strained for many years before his death and now I am dealing with some guilt issues even though my conscious mind knows that I was not the only one to blame for our marriage problems. I had an on again, off again affair with a man for about 5 years. When I first met this man, I fell in love with him at first sight. He does not have the same feelings for me and never has. We e-mailed each other several times and he acted like he was still interested in maintaining our “friendship” . I told him to just come right out and tell me that it was over so I could get some closure. He said nothing. I feel like I have lost two men that I love at once, not to mention feeling like a fool. I just don’t know how to get over this. Heartbroken and Lost

Thank you for your note, H & L. I am met by your High Self, who feels somewhat distanced from you right now. She tells me that this is not the time that I can help reconnect the two of you, and that the man with whom you have been involved off and on is very much into drama with women. He gets something out of pulling their emotional chains, so to speak, and it’s a pattern he has carried through many relationships, including his current one. I also see that he is manifesting heart-related health problems from his actions. I inquire about how you became entwined in his drama pattern, but your High Self redirects me to talk with your husband, who is really angry. The upper right side of his body and part of his head are completely black, indicating blocks and wounds, and he is railing at me. After we have a few words he calms down to a very level place, where he expresses being very sad at how things turned out between you, taking responsibility for his part in the outcome. He tells me that he wasn’t very emotionally present for you for a long time, and is very apologetic about it. He says, “There was a time when I could just walk away from anything to be with her, but I let myself become too involved with how badly things were going.” In other words, he reached a point that he would rather have the control over and comfort of sickness than to confront the direction of things in your relationship. Doing so would have challenged him to deal with insecurities that he just didn’t want to own. He shows me some long-standing emotional issues that he apparently buried deeply, and never really talked about with anyone in detail. The combination of his illness and the divergence of your paths were sort of chicken-and-egg, where his emotional wounds were concerned. It’s hard to tell the real origin, or which struck the hardest. Suffice it to say, he had a whole other world going on inside that he just wasn’t willing to deal with interpersonally. In a way, your forthrightness to have an affair was sort of courageous to him, because you at least tried to externally make some waves of change where he was unwilling. You are right to realize that his issues are not yours to carry. How he dealt with issues in his life was his choice. He really shut down after a while, and left you and your daughters fairly alone. After telling me these things, your husband goes into the setting sun very easily, not entirely at peace with his issues and the events of his life, but completely at peace with beginning that process. He has moved on in the best sense one can.

It’s time for you to do the same, in every part of your life possible. An aspect of you comes then, who is weeping. She’s also really pissed off. While there is the sense of having lost two dear loves at once, there is also the sense of having given up a huge amount of her power to these men who did not give much back. She goes up for healing very easily, and returns with seemingly quite a bit of conviction to live well. Her message to you is to “live the life she thinks she can’t have”. The catch is, you have to do this consciously; conscientiously. It’s not going to just happen. This aspect of yourself, and I feel many other aspects, guides and spiritual allies, are completely at your disposal to assist you in doing that. You really need to establish a strong committed practice of spiritual acknowledgement of yourself, most specifically, and the world around you, as well as learn to interact with these spiritual allies. However you pray or meditate-now’s the time to brush up on some new skills and insights in that department. The constricting bubble you feel is your life is self-imposed at this point. Set the intention to step out of it, even if it means releasing loved ones in your path whose choices keep you from yourself. There is nothing and no one in your way right now. The wounds of your heart are already healing. The life you want really is out there for you, with your soul, to find. You shall soon see that you are already here. Be well!

Radical Honesty

Hello Kelley, .I have been in a job that I hated for 4 years. I finally have been selected for a new promising position. I have to wrap things up in this current job, during which I’ve gained weight, my hair fell out in some spots, my blood pressure was elevated, and I fell in love with someone who I thought loved me as I did him. I cant figure out what it was between us. I just want to be happy and secure and in a mutually loving relationship, which I have never had even when I was married….HELP!

Wow! It definitely sounds like you are making a wonderful improvement in changing jobs. To be miserable in your job–which is where most people physically spend most of their time–takes a great toll on the form itself. What feels so uncomfortable in the environment manifests as illness in the body, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have the sense that you haven’t felt very linked to a “home”, in terms of your body, itself, being the corporeal home to your soul, or in the external sense of a place return to and rest. The connection to home is very important to your balance. It’s really important for you to honor your body and give it attention. Working on any issues around self-image and confidence right now is going to give you a wonderful sense of just how a great a support you can really be to yourself. I feel like some part of you does not realize just what a wellspring of strength and beauty you really are TO YOURSELF. Also, creating a space around you that you look forward to being in is very significant. That feeling of coming home, literally, being able to relax there is an outward expression of the “home” you carry within you.

When I ask your guides about the man, I have a visual of you at the top of a cliff throwing off sheets of paper on which you have written something. Way down at the bottom is the man, walking back and forth picking up your pages, keeping all of them. You have a very close bond in that, one of you creating (in this case, you) while the other holds that energy for the other–or keeps life in a state of balance for the creator (you) to do the work. You guys have been doing it this way for lifetimes, and it has worked well for you. The thing is, this time, nothing is coming of it. The creation isn’t becoming manifest; it’s just being put out and held. There is something in communicating with him that was never put on the table. My sense is that was both ways–not just that you did not confide, but him, as well. I don’t know what the outcome of being radically honest with each other will be, but I know that it is going to get you over this hump of not manifesting what you create together. Be open to the possibility that although this man is spiritually connected to you, the best way for things to come into being may not be in a romantic sense. In fact, trying to force it to be ANY specific way will only keep you at the top of the cliff, and him at the bottom. Take good restful care of yourself, and soulsearch in that quiet space. If you do not already know what has been withheld in that relationship, you will. Then talk to him. He is very approachable, and in that fact alone is an intense mutual love. Be well!