Bonded, at Arm’s Length

Hi Kelley, There is a man who is a very big part of my life. I have a wonderful kinship with this person. We have worked together for a little over 10 years now and it is a great relationship. We seem to think alike, and it is like we’ve known each other forever. I feel that we are together for a reason but I am not sure what the future holds. I am deeply in love with this person but it has taken time to develop this relationship. He is not available, but I am. I feel like I have met my soulmate only to be held at arms length. I am not sure I get it. How long is too long to wait for someone? Sheila

Hi Sheila, and thank you for your note. I feel the sense of “being at arm’s length” that you describe. You have a very close soulful bond with this man that is quite old. This bond is mutually acknowledged and has been over lifetimes. You have quite a good balance between you energetically as well as in personality, which has resulted in many lives together as partners in what feels like a romantic bond. The thing that strikes me in what your guides show me is that you have waited for him before, as well. In fact, you have waited for him many times, and this waiting seems to be the predominant theme throughout all your lives together.

I see you pacing, standing with your arms folded across your chest. You are not angry, but not thrilled either about his absence from your intimate life. Where this relationship is concerned, you are filled with a stillness on a spiritual level that is the same as holding one’s breath. This conscientious choice to “wait” at such a deep level stifles your life force. Your guides indicate to me that all the right “pieces and parts” are there for this relationship to be successful. However, I do not see it coming together in a traditional full-time committed fashion. It’s not his style, and I don’t mean that in terms of him seeing other people, necessarily. I just don’t feel from him that it is within his deeper needs to have that traditional kind of relationship. This relationship can definitely work, as you have so much between you spiritually and energetically, but it will be a creative lifestyle model that you have with him. I do not see him ending that trend of coming in and out of your life. I also do not see that trend as a wound that he carries, but truly how he moves in relationships.

Your guides indicate that you need to take an active stand for what you truly want WITHIN YOURSELF. I don’t mean pushing him into a relationship, or giving him an ultimatum. You cannot push him; you cannot change him. The sense I am getting is that you have to choose how to let life flow FOR YOU regardless of what he chooses. This stand may mean putting it all out on the table with no expectations of him, just articulating clearly your own need to be fully honest about your feelings. This stand may pertain to completing some tangential things in your life that you have put off doing “until” something with him works out, like a vacation, a hobby/class or other self-indulgent interest. I also feel that you may be more flexible in your relationship style than you have thought you could be. Again, that conclusion can only come after realizing your true needs and wants, and not from trying to accommodate his. It must be authentic.

You have waited already waited too long, and your soul, has tired of the pacing. Allowing your life force to flow is what the core issue is at this time. Ascertain exactly what in your life you must shift to bring your emphasis back to yourself, and go ahead with it. This phase of your growth is very much about action, not reaction. It’s time to break that “arm’s length” pattern, and breathe in freedom. Be well, Shelia.