Anam Cara and Agreement of Souls

Hi Kelley, Could you please look into what’s been going on with me and this gentleman. We just met a few weeks ago. He’s going thru a divorce but we seem to really like each other. I’m already panicking because I feel I can have very strong feelings for this guy. I need to know if I should run now or if it’s going to be good for both of us. I very much appreciate your insights. Thank you, Venus.

Thank you for your note, Venus. The atmosphere around you both is quite stirred up right now–his in general, and yours internally. Many things have need to be settled. The focus I have is on you and a deeper fear, not related to the possibility of NOT having him, but to the possibility that you very well may. This fear seems to be related to the process of moving through the chaos. At the fore of this chaos are trust issues that you have not moved through in prior relationships, and/or when you put the energy out to move through them, your trust was violated [again]. As a result, you just quit going there. This fear is actually very longstanding for you, and is not related to this new love interest or the ‘drama’ around his divorce. I sense this tension has come up for you before in the early stages of romantic feelings. However, the intensity of this kind of connection to someone who is still legally and emotionally wrapping up ties from a previous relationship is pushing these old buttons for you. It seems that while you want deep love, you are more comfortable with superficial relations. With this man that comfort zone and your own feelings are being quite challenged. It is the right time for you to feel this anxiety about deeper love, and to move through it into healing.

I am not getting a clear indication of romantic involvement with this man, but definitely that he is a spiritual catalyst to urge you to address this longstanding fear. Quite often the people we are quite connected to come as anam cara, which in the Irish Celtic mystical path is a “soul friend”. This connection could be romantic, but not necessarily. The emphasis of this connection is on getting soul work done, not on the relationship, itself. In other words, what you have not aligned with your soul’s intent to accomplish on your path (due to karmic blocks, past traumas etc), your anam cara will put you front and center in the place on your path to get it done. Such is the agreement of souls.

In meeting and developing feelings for this man a healing process within you has already begun with regard to this trust issue. It is this process to which you must give your attention first, the relationship possibilities later. Step back from the relationship prospect a bit, and see if you can get a glimmer of what this man’s presence is trying to teach you, or draw your attention to, in terms of healing this wound. What feelings has it brought up for you? What fears? Realizing that your fears very much hold the insight for how to move through them, call your fears into a form with which you can have a dialogue. Ask your fear to share with you its own life purpose. Ask your fear to share with your its source (event, exchange, relationship, if you don’t already know). Now ask it to tell you what it *would* be doing if it wasn’t manifesting as your fear. Knowing this information, how would *your* life be if you could release this fear and let it move on to fulfill its own life purpose? Through this dialogue with your fear, you will gain insight into how to move forward.

When I ask your guides for insight about this, I see you kneeling down, happily putting together a very large puzzle. What is significant about this action is you take the puzzle apart and put it together several different ways, and it works each way! You have exquisite skill in manifesting compassion for yourself and others (this man), and in manifesting the balance and wholeness you inherently possess. Your comfort zone will expand to include deep love. I have no doubt that however you choose to move through your process right now, your choice will be what is right for you. However you meditate and connect with your soul’s wisdom, give the dictation of the direction of your path to her. With her you are in the best hands. Be well!

For Love or Data?

Dear Kelley, Four years ago I married my husband. We get along great and he is a good step father to my son, but the past year or so I have been having doubts about whether it was a good idea to marry. Everything is a competition. We don’t communicate on any level deeper than what’s happening in the world so our sex life has suffered because I don’t feel listened to. Other wise he is a really good man and I know he loves me. When I said I wanted out about 4 months ago he was so sad that I started feeling guilty about hurting his feelings and also about taking my son’s stepdad away, as his real father is not in the picture. I don’t know what my future holds if I stay or if I leave….. Drowning in Self doubt! Cathy G.

Hi Cathy! I hope this note finds you well! I am immediately led by two of your spirit guides to areas of a forest in which buried in holes, you have hidden memorabilia, trinkets from your past that have certain personal significances. Your guides lead me to several such holes, and I see that they have dug up these mementos you have buried. They are things such as old love letters, a small figurine, and a gold necklace with a flat glass pendant. It seems that you have made a habit of not just leaving special parts of your life separate from your present, but that you have intentionally hidden them for safekeeping, for preservation. The thing is, I don’t have the sense that you ever intended to return to them, at which point I ask your guides, “Why save them at all, then?”

The guides lead me then to a cave in the woods. It’s not any ordinary cave, you see. It looks more like someone’s great aunt’s attic. The cave is filled, positively crammed full of junk, broken things, discarded household items, intriguing antiques… and not one of them is yours. Your guides tell me that you have so filled up with other peoples’ unwanted things, you did not have room to carry things that were, are, very important to you. So you buried yours and left them, which tells me there is an aspect of soul loss in this, because you never “intended” to return and balance things back out. Somewhere along the way you made the choice not to carry your own things, but to manage the junk of others.

The thing is, by inquiring about your life right now, you have returned to your forest primeval.

I am led past the holes and cave, to a hilltop, where a soul aspect of you is waiting. She looks very healthy and well, and I know this is the part of you who is seeking balance and peace now. She tells me that she is the soul part who has been under the weight of others’ relics, and she is ready to return to Spirit. This is a very healthy step for you, and not something that happens very often. With soul separation, which occurs due to some sort of trauma, quite often soul parts can’t find their way back, or the circumstances of your life do not suit their return. Yet their loss is felt in patterns that go unresolved, chronic illness, depression… a myriad of things. It is when these soul parts do not return on their own that a shaman is sought out to retrieve them. With you, this soul part has found her way back. It seems that she took the responsibility for carrying the weight of others, so that the “rest of you” could do the best possible job just to keep up with Life. It no longer has to be that way now, and she is ready to return to Spirit. In a “traditional” soul retrieval, the separated soul part is returned to the client in a highly personal ritual, followed by an integration process, in which the client re-acquaints with the soul part. The process is fairly elaborate and brings a great deal of healing. When done at a distance, or even spontaneously as your soul retrieval is occurring now, the soul part(s) either takes itself to Spirit, or I send it there, so that your High Self is given full control over how that integration manifests healing.

When I have taken this soul part up to Spirit and returned, I find a chipped wedding band on the ground. When I hold it I have the feeling that there was something wrong with one of the wedding bands from your marriage, the current or another marriage, and that gave you an odd feeling about getting married from the beginning. It felt like an omen to you. I also have the sense from the band that you have often gotten into serious relationships for reasons other than love, desire, or connection to your mate. It has been more almost logistic, like a resolution to a set of circumstances that being married made better, where being single made more complicated. This pattern of deciding to marry based on data more than feelings is connected to that feeling that you are always competing with your husband and child. It is constant comparison, like that of a pro/con list that has yielded even your most basic communication to that same “logical” level. Black or White. This or That. There is no feeling in it at all.

In many ways you have not been able to break that pattern until you could realize how much of other peoples’ stuff you have been carrying. The sense I have of it is that entering relationships HAD to be data driven, because the feelings around what was happening in your life at the time of making the decisions to enter relationships would have been overwhelming. I don’t know exactly what was going on at the time, but your guides are telling me now that you have a level of self-empowerment now that you did not have then, and that you need to make yourself aware that your circumstances have radically shifted. In other words, where your decisions to marry were based on data, your decision to not remain married can be based on your feelings.

In fact, every decision can. I don’t mean basing your decisions on flash-in-the-pan fleeting feelings, like eating all the icecream to feel full, or the compulsion that a brand new Jaguar XK would make you totally happy, or running rough shod over the feelings and wellbeing of others in hopes of bringing yourself satisfaction. Tempting as such may seem after the drought you’ve had, I mean the deeper feelings that are your Truth, who you are when everything else in the Universe is stripped away: joy, peace, love. But then, who am I to suggest to you what that Truth is? Maybe you do need a Jaguar XK? You have certainly gone without a lot of your heart’s desire, and now is the time for you to claim it. She is already there, with Spirit, making elaborate plans for your joy.

I don’t see you rekindling your Truth in this marriage. I do see the habit of you taking on your husband’s sadness, and even your son’s sadness, wearing very thin. Deep down you want to retain respect for this man and yourself, and that is not something you can do if you allow yourself to be someone else’s emotional whipping girl. It’s just not a role you’re interested in playing anymore. Troubling though it may be for your son, you have the ability to teach him how to make the best decisions he can, by having a parent who does.

There is a newfound passion blowing into your life, with the coming relationship changes. It is going to be exhilarating and strange to you. Remember to feel the breeze, but not be carried away by it. The only thing worse than making decisions without feeling, is to make them solely ruled by passion. You have the advantage of feeling passion, and remaining grounded as you enjoy it.
I wish you the best, Cathy.

Compassion or Passion?

Hi Kelley, I have been deeply in love with a man for about three years now. When we met I was already in a different relationship that was very satisfying on a friendship and supportive level but lacking in passion. It has always been my intention to leave the initial relationship– in fact Î have left several times-and am currently separated. However, the man I am in love with has terrible commitment and intimacy issues. What do you advise Kelley? Sincerely, Donna

Hi Donna. Thank you for your note. I’m not seeing this dynamic as being about whether seeking passion, as opposed to a platonic joining, is right for you in love. What strikes me initially is a lack of compassion in this situation, which is a quite different thing than passion. Passion is an all-feeling state of being at the ego level, right alongside instinct and the desire to fight or flee. Passion is feeling at its most base level, which can be hate, love, greed, lust, beauty… It isn’t about whether the feelings are good or bad; just feeling. Passion is the state of being led by feeling and nothing more. The common reaction to passion is to keep feeling the feeling–whatever you have to do to keep that cycle going. There is nothing wrong with passion until it becomes that obsessive cycle. Compassion, however, is feeling, but turning over the reaction to that feeling to a higher level of consciousness, higher than even empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel what another feels. Compassion is the ability to feel or understand what another feels, but the response is to appeal to your High Self, focusing your efforts to raise that person higher. Passion locked in a loop, in short, is compassion left spiritually unchecked. You are experiencing a soulful connection to this man, but recycling it at a very ego based level. I’m not seeing much compassion being held for yourselves, for each other, or the man you have left.

I realize that you are aware that you can’t change this soulmate, and that realization pains you. The awareness missing in that understanding and in the process of coping with it is compassion. When you can hold compassion for him and where he is in his growth right now, you will not be able to hold the pain and anger at him, at the same time. Those feelings won’t be relevant anymore. What is relevant is that you learn that this whole interaction has been OK, and that it doesn’t spell doom and gloom for you in soulfully bonded relationships. This relationship isn’t a failure–it would be an insult to you both to view it as such. Remember that the word ‘teacher’ is synonymous with soulmate. Soulmates put you in the place to grow that you refuse to put yourself. You have both acted for each other as this catalyst. Just being able to realize this higher dynamic playing out is going to lessen some of the tension between you, but it is not going to suddenly make him be where you are (or you where he is). At this point you simply are not on the same page, and nothing on your part is going to change that. This is the time that you see your interaction with him for what it is in terms of spiritual growth, clarify what it is you learned from all of this, and manifest that growth in your life.

Being able to see with compassion is in part one of the lessons from this relationship. Another is self-esteem, at a deeper level than self-image or concept. Your guides indicate a spiritual wound around feeling that your Authentic Self cannot be loved and accepted in relationships, especially soulful ones. To that end, you have almost turned your radar off to avoid attracting such relationships. This guy who has been on and off blew that out of the water, and that is in part what is so distressing to you about this relationship not working out: he broke through your walls, when you weren’t even fully conscientious of them being there. The thing is, the dynamic with this man isn’t what needs healing. It is as it should be. The reason for the walls is what needs healing.

There are at least two things going on around this wound, one part of which is very personal and will need a significant amount of attention from you. Whatever your means of meditation or energy work will guide you in releasing this wound. It will be a process that occurs in layers, and needs the support and attention of energy workers. If you know of someone who does etheric body work, spiritual healing… those could help tremendously with this. The other part of this wound is not personal at all, but is collective, archetypal, if you will. It is the part of you tapping into the collective of all of us who learned to hide our intuitive and spiritual gifts. Not everyone falls into this, but some of us do as a result of lifetimes of persecution for abilities, cultural restraints around personal freedoms, beliefs… This is an ancient collective wound, of which you are at the brink of letting go. You do not have to carry it anymore. Just acknowledging your thread to that wound and visualizing letting it go is enough to free you of it. I don’t see a wide step there, but a very small and affectionate need for acknowledgement to heal this. The personal wound needs more attention, and addressing it will help to heal your relationship to passion, and to feeling like you must be with a mate at all costs of yourself.

No one is worth giving up yourself, not even a soulmate. When you are with a soulmate and find yourself considering self sacrifice, it’s time to step back and see what’s really going on. The focus of the relationship has to turn at least momentarily from that of romance to the soul dynamic. He doesn’t want you to give up your true self any more than you want him to. The question becomes then, what makes you want to give up your true self? To bring you to the point of asking this question is why he came into your life. You have several guides and sources of spiritual inspiration with you to help you answer, as well as heal. Be well, Donna!

Radical Honesty

Hello Kelley, .I have been in a job that I hated for 4 years. I finally have been selected for a new promising position. I have to wrap things up in this current job, during which I’ve gained weight, my hair fell out in some spots, my blood pressure was elevated, and I fell in love with someone who I thought loved me as I did him. I cant figure out what it was between us. I just want to be happy and secure and in a mutually loving relationship, which I have never had even when I was married….HELP!

Wow! It definitely sounds like you are making a wonderful improvement in changing jobs. To be miserable in your job–which is where most people physically spend most of their time–takes a great toll on the form itself. What feels so uncomfortable in the environment manifests as illness in the body, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have the sense that you haven’t felt very linked to a “home”, in terms of your body, itself, being the corporeal home to your soul, or in the external sense of a place return to and rest. The connection to home is very important to your balance. It’s really important for you to honor your body and give it attention. Working on any issues around self-image and confidence right now is going to give you a wonderful sense of just how a great a support you can really be to yourself. I feel like some part of you does not realize just what a wellspring of strength and beauty you really are TO YOURSELF. Also, creating a space around you that you look forward to being in is very significant. That feeling of coming home, literally, being able to relax there is an outward expression of the “home” you carry within you.

When I ask your guides about the man, I have a visual of you at the top of a cliff throwing off sheets of paper on which you have written something. Way down at the bottom is the man, walking back and forth picking up your pages, keeping all of them. You have a very close bond in that, one of you creating (in this case, you) while the other holds that energy for the other–or keeps life in a state of balance for the creator (you) to do the work. You guys have been doing it this way for lifetimes, and it has worked well for you. The thing is, this time, nothing is coming of it. The creation isn’t becoming manifest; it’s just being put out and held. There is something in communicating with him that was never put on the table. My sense is that was both ways–not just that you did not confide, but him, as well. I don’t know what the outcome of being radically honest with each other will be, but I know that it is going to get you over this hump of not manifesting what you create together. Be open to the possibility that although this man is spiritually connected to you, the best way for things to come into being may not be in a romantic sense. In fact, trying to force it to be ANY specific way will only keep you at the top of the cliff, and him at the bottom. Take good restful care of yourself, and soulsearch in that quiet space. If you do not already know what has been withheld in that relationship, you will. Then talk to him. He is very approachable, and in that fact alone is an intense mutual love. Be well!

The Modern Twin Flame

Hello Kelley – I follow your column religiously. Four years back I met a man in his late twenties. When I met this man I had a strong sense that I had known him before. We were on again off again for three years….Now I fear that he will not return, but if he did I am not sure if it would be in my best interest to see him again, as he caused me horrific pain and heartbreak. Will you please let me know if you see us being together again, and if not, how I can make a break and move on with my life for good? Other aspects of my life have seemed to take off. It’s this one last aspect of my past that I need to reconcile. I feel you would be a great help to me if I could see this on a spiritual level. Thank you.

I have the sense from your guides that this man is your Twin Flame. Twin Flames–I think the term is a bit limiting, personally, but I’ll just give you the stock story on that and you can determine it for yourself– are the splitting of the masculine/feminine qualities of a soul into two balanced parts. This split occurs when a soul wants to find other ways to grow. Souls don’t necessarily acknowledge gender. Sexualization is very much a form-based observation of one way to grow as spirit in matter. You have to look at it in terms of masculine/feminine (yin/yang) qualities we ascribe TO gender, rather than boy/girl, male/female, penis/vagina. The Twin Flame concept is about the energetic qualities of polarities, and how those polarities work together to form a whole. The feminine is the creative aspect, literally the natural vessel for creative energy to thrive. The masculine is the active principle, inherently knowing how to expend energy. You can look at it as the feminine is the idea expressed through the masculine act, hence the blending of the two. It’s easy to see in how we live now just how far we’ve come from that natural base function… In western culture we harp too much on how genders differ, perhaps too much for them to truly come together (no pun) and work as a unit. The thing to note is, once the Twin Flames split, they each become their own whole, going out to grow in whatever ways that aspect needs to, each embodying the masculine and feminine. So even with Twin Flames, there’s not really this sense of incompletion on a spiritual level. It’s more about a tremendous fostering of growth. In fact, rarely, and I do mean RARELY have both souls incarnated at the same time. This Twin Flame “splitting” of the soul is the result of a huge energetic commitment, such that the meeting of them is as HUGE. In fact, it’s so huge, that energetic convergence is WHY they have rarely incarnated at the same time. Often one acts as a spiritual “anchor” in the spirit realm, a guide you could say, while the other is doing the growth curve thing in form. When they are both incarnate at the same time, AND they actually meet up… well, it can be explosive, as you seem to already know.

What does that mean in daily life? Well, with any soul connection, mate, twin, even guide to some degree… if you are not in the same place to flow into your work together, energetically speaking, it hurts like hell. You feel this kin resonance, you recognize the intensity of it, you feel the awe and beauty underlying it, yet you wonder with all these synced qualities, what in the world could make it so uncomfortable. Imagine that when you look at him, you are looking back at the summation of all YOUR lives. This other you, who has had its own share of life experience, hurts, traumas, KARMA… as well as bliss, passion, achievement… All these lives and experiences converge for both of you when you meet. It’s very much an electro/magnetic interaction, and you really have to hope that you are not BOTH magnetic at the same time, or both electric at the same time… We’re talking melting glaciers here.

That said, I am seeing more and more clients who have met their Twin Flame in form. I’m reasonably young, but I realize this is an unusual occurrence for this plane, and it is just one more thing indicative of how the energy on the planet has changed, and how the push for us all to get ourselves in the best working order we can is nigh. Twin Flame work will do just that, and that is why you find yourself in this tangle of feeling and confusion now. I highly recommend that you find an energy worker, someone who can help you on a cellular level sort things out. Right now your energy field is an Etch A Sketch. Everytime you painstakingly draw a lovely picture with your magnetic little bits, this guy comes along and shakes you back up. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, go ahead and throw labeling things as ‘good or ‘bad’ out the window right now. This relationship is about growth, and meeting him is not untimely. This relationship is about learning what bits needs to be shaken up and arranged in a more healthy way, what ones he shakes up in you as the result of his own growth curve (he’s no pro). It’s about you having the Holy Grail of figuring out what needs to go and what needs to stay in how you live, and perhaps love. Do find an energy worker who can help you hold your own energy in a receptive place, so that you can do this work.

None of this means that he will remain an active participant in your life long term. Of course none of it means that he won’t. It really has to do with how you can deal with this undercurrent of flaminess (stop personalizing and/or blaming the friction on him and realize it’s old connections in yourself coming back together), resolving the polarity of how you meet in this realm (male/female, with the subset of social traps around that), and somewhere in there realizing if you really do want to be together in a life partner sense. You do have a choice. You can bow out of interacting with him and do this work on yourself another way. He is merely an adrenaline shot that forces you to do it front and center. He is feeling the same shove, though he may not articulate it the way that you do, or see it the same. This is an intense experience for you both.

I ask your guides if there are specific issues revolving around meeting him now, issues in yourself that this meeting is plucking… But all I am shown is that when the aspects of you split, there was such a deep love-an incredibly intense love that is both above and deeper than this realm can reflect. Your tribulations with him are what your guides say are classic to the reunion of any Twin Flames-doing the work you need for you both to grow. I would love to be more specific with you about that, but learning what that growth is, apparently, is part of the work. That usually means the cycle you have to go through to learn the lesson, is the lesson. Remember that it does not have to be painful. You have the ability to remember that deep abiding love, no matter how things are going in the mundane interaction with him. In other words, I can not tell you if this will be a romantic life partner relationship for you, because the two of you in form have not decided that yet. What you have decided spiritually is to grow, remembering this deep loving bond all the while. That is what you have to hold in the fore of your actions and intentions right now-higher love. When the Twin Flame relationship came in the readings of old school intuitives (and by that I mean those steeped in Piscean Era authority), they would tell you to run for the hills. I’ve seen that advice given more than once in this situation. I’m sure those sages had their reasons. I prefer to give you the information that I can, and let you choose. This relationship will not be a cakewalk for either of you. In fact, just having met him and being able to inquire about your spiritual relationship to him gives you enough insight to take the baton and run, with or without him in your life, for your own healing. I do know that the work you do with him, or around your connection to him, will resolve this pattern of feeling that your love relationships never work out. My best to you, Carol!

Somnambulist Women in Gelatinous Waters

Hi, Kelley I’m married to a very stable, kind man with whom I have never been in love. I love him as a dear friend but not romantically. We have a 7 year old son. My husband is in love with me and I know if I leave he is going to be devastated. Also I am very much worried about the effects of this on my son. I truly feel like I’m dying in this relationship. It’s like part of me is being shut down. I feel this overwhelming desire to be on my own but I’m afraid. I met someone awhile ago with whom I felt the most amazing connections–like we had known each other forever. Then we had a big falling out.. Any chance this person will ever come into my life again? Thanks, Carol.

Thank you for your kinds words, Carol! From time to time I am gifted with a vision of women who are trapped in gelatinous waters. They are not dead, but don’t know they can swim or get out of the water. The women just stay there like lovely terrifying water puppets. On rarer occasions, I observe a woman who can navigate those filmy waters with grace and ease. When I ask your guides for insight into you, I am shown that you swim through these waters very easily–it is your nature to. What stands out is that as you move through, you free an elderly woman from the muck and lift her to the shore. The woman is nonresponsive, and is clearly someone you are seeking to release from this state of not-really-being. On the shore, you build a pyre and burn her body. Then her soul is fully released.

I ask your guide what this scene indicates, and he tells me of a vow (or some would say a curse) that has been passed down through the women in your family, to stay in unhappy marriages and generally unhappy life situations. You are aware of this vow on some level, and although you have elected not to perpetuate that mindset, you have not yet made the choice to actually change your lifestyle to support fully releasing it. Your guide says, “Through attempting to control her own heart, she has created a false sense of controlling his,” meaning your husband. You have hidden away your true feelings for so long that you don’t fully recognize the true feelings of others at the moment. In other words, placing the responsibility of action (to leave or not to leave) on the emotional state of your husband (possible devastation) is transference. It’s not taking responsibility to manifest your own free will. Believing that he will be unable to cope if you leave him is a way of keeping that vow alive using false logic. This man on some level knows you do not return his feelings. He has consented to remain with you somewhat due to his own insecurities, not wholly out of devoted love. The thing that is false in this means of control is that no one presents his or her Authentic Self; rather, both hide behind their Truth.

However you both managed to end up where you are standing in this very moment is no accident, but has been of your souls’ device. At this point it is paramount that you reconnect communication with your soul (if you haven’t already), and that you act in accordance with what She instructs. Literally, give your Soul and High Self and permission to do the work that must be done to allow you to live your Truth. Create the space for the work to happen, and act when you know you need to. You will know the right time. As you well know, the work is not going to be easy, but it will be a lot easier than being unhappy. And your husband probably will be beside himself for a while. Even breakups under the best of circumstances hurt madly for all involved. Trust that he can take care of himself, as can you. Part of living your truth is allowing him to live his, and trusting that the greater good is manifesting for All. As long as you walk in accordance with your soul’s guidance, you are manifesting the greater good.

Your son is more tuned into the suffering than you think he is. He will carry his worldly confusion about it all, but he still has close ties to his spiritual knowledge that all of you deserve happiness, however that comes into being. That spiritual guidance is what you must appeal to for yourself, and for him. Your leap of faith will be one of his greatest teachers in loving and being true to himself.

You do have a strong affinity to this other man. I see that with your soulwarrior nature and the healing you are embarking upon, you will attract many to you who share your path and spiritual resonance. There is much you have stuffed away, not just the realization that you need to leave this marriage. This man may well be among the many fascinating admirers who come into your life, but you are going to have so many choices along the way you may not care… I wish you the best, Carol. You are a bright star for whom it is time to shine. If you have not read “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, I invite you to do so, quickly… Be well!

Bonded, at Arm’s Length

Hi Kelley, There is a man who is a very big part of my life. I have a wonderful kinship with this person. We have worked together for a little over 10 years now and it is a great relationship. We seem to think alike, and it is like we’ve known each other forever. I feel that we are together for a reason but I am not sure what the future holds. I am deeply in love with this person but it has taken time to develop this relationship. He is not available, but I am. I feel like I have met my soulmate only to be held at arms length. I am not sure I get it. How long is too long to wait for someone? Sheila

Hi Sheila, and thank you for your note. I feel the sense of “being at arm’s length” that you describe. You have a very close soulful bond with this man that is quite old. This bond is mutually acknowledged and has been over lifetimes. You have quite a good balance between you energetically as well as in personality, which has resulted in many lives together as partners in what feels like a romantic bond. The thing that strikes me in what your guides show me is that you have waited for him before, as well. In fact, you have waited for him many times, and this waiting seems to be the predominant theme throughout all your lives together.

I see you pacing, standing with your arms folded across your chest. You are not angry, but not thrilled either about his absence from your intimate life. Where this relationship is concerned, you are filled with a stillness on a spiritual level that is the same as holding one’s breath. This conscientious choice to “wait” at such a deep level stifles your life force. Your guides indicate to me that all the right “pieces and parts” are there for this relationship to be successful. However, I do not see it coming together in a traditional full-time committed fashion. It’s not his style, and I don’t mean that in terms of him seeing other people, necessarily. I just don’t feel from him that it is within his deeper needs to have that traditional kind of relationship. This relationship can definitely work, as you have so much between you spiritually and energetically, but it will be a creative lifestyle model that you have with him. I do not see him ending that trend of coming in and out of your life. I also do not see that trend as a wound that he carries, but truly how he moves in relationships.

Your guides indicate that you need to take an active stand for what you truly want WITHIN YOURSELF. I don’t mean pushing him into a relationship, or giving him an ultimatum. You cannot push him; you cannot change him. The sense I am getting is that you have to choose how to let life flow FOR YOU regardless of what he chooses. This stand may mean putting it all out on the table with no expectations of him, just articulating clearly your own need to be fully honest about your feelings. This stand may pertain to completing some tangential things in your life that you have put off doing “until” something with him works out, like a vacation, a hobby/class or other self-indulgent interest. I also feel that you may be more flexible in your relationship style than you have thought you could be. Again, that conclusion can only come after realizing your true needs and wants, and not from trying to accommodate his. It must be authentic.

You have waited already waited too long, and your soul, has tired of the pacing. Allowing your life force to flow is what the core issue is at this time. Ascertain exactly what in your life you must shift to bring your emphasis back to yourself, and go ahead with it. This phase of your growth is very much about action, not reaction. It’s time to break that “arm’s length” pattern, and breathe in freedom. Be well, Shelia.

When Pink is a Green Light

Dear Kelley, I have been on an 8 month journey trying to heal from a breakup. The person who has my heart and soul has moved 2 thousand miles away, and I have been trying through meditation, soul searching, and reflection to divine the outcome of us. Before he left, he said he would be back for me. He occasionally still says he loves me, but likes where he is for right now. I would wait for him forever–I feel that strongly our link. Am I fooling myself? Thank you.

You are not fooling yourself. The feelings are real, the connection with this man is real. So is that the two of you are not in the same place, literally or figuratively. There is nothing wrong with being in different places, on any level. You have done an excellent job respecting his space and his need to find his place in the world. You have been very tolerant and in your way, nurturing of him to do this. However, for you, holding on to a relationship that is not for the most part indicating a green light is very significant.

I have a sense of there being an energy block that is associated with manifesting deep romantic relationships in your life, or at least with being “stuck” with this one man. I am seeing that this block for you is related to your heart chakra, which oddly enough, traditionally appears as a glowing green light. When I look at yours, I see pink light, which tells me that you energetically do not have the go-ahead on this relationship. The pink light indicates to me that you have a great deal of Goddess energy sitting with you right now, but it has stopped at your heart. It has not been moved through your entire chakra system, which it must do. When energy stops at a chakra and doesn’t pass through, it creates a block in the energy flow, and in your life. Heart chakra blocks tend to revolve around issues of love, specifically compassion for All Things. This Goddess energy that is sitting in your heart is a wonderful thing, but it needs to be manifest. With it “stuck” here, issues are cropping up in your life.

Before I continue with the reading, I will explain a very general bit about the chakra system. In this channel down your spine are 7 primary chakras, or bridges that connect you to All That Is. Each bridge, or chakra, resonates to a different level of being, different qualities, different aspects of the Universes. Through this channel your life force (chi, prana, ki, energy…) flows from above the top of your head (crown) to the base of the spine (root), from Spirit. Life force also flows from the root upward to the crown, into All That Is (Spirit). What these unique currents of energy accomplish is key. The life force flowing into you from Spirit allows you to “harness” your power. In manifesting that power, you consciously return that energy to all of life by making all of your actions dedicated to it. At a simplistic level, that intake/outtake is how your chakra system works.

When you have a block, such as one at the heart chakra, it helps to identify where that block is occurring–on the way in (empowering) or on the way out (manifesting). This block for you lies in manifesting. You do not have a problem finding love and identifying it. You are aware of the way love moves in your life. However, there is something constricting your ability to truly allow it to come into being in the highest way that it can for you.

Examining this pink light at your heart, it feels very related to being in touch with Goddess from a mothering standpoint. By mothering, I mean nurture, standing back as the disciplined one in an arrangement, as the figure who will do the right thing when called to action. The thing is, this being the responsible one for everyone else, this standing back “waiting” behaviour is creating a block in your life force, and in your life. The time of waiting has passed. The occulation of Venus in Gemini has reconnected an incredible Crone Goddess power to the planet, and She’s in no holding pattern. She’s the mature Feminine Divine, and She’s got a mess to clean up in terms of our understanding of the Crone, the Great Mother, and Goddess. Our collective understanding of the Feminine Divine tends to be dark and identified with the shadow. She has been outcast from our cultures in any positive light, for the most part. As a result, we have lost our ability to value the elderly, wise “tough love” attributed to women who have the experience to know what time it is. That is no coincidence. The thing is, we have to be able to hold ALL of these archetypes–shadow, wise woman, self-effacing mother… and work through them at our own pace and peace to the fullness of holding our own Divine Feminine within.

You have already allowed this Goddess energy into your life force, but it’s not moved all the way through to your root, and it’s definitely not being reflected out in your actions. Do a bit of reading about the chakras, and in your meditative space visualize this energy around your heart, moving it down to the base of your spine. Connect to all the feelings, sensations and thoughts that come up while you do this. They will give you further indication of where your power lies, and of where it needs further attention. An excellent meditation on how to move it up the spine (to manifest) is Tom Kenyon’s “The Magdalen Manuscript” and the accompanying CD. This type of movement into manifestation is exactly what the book and CD meditations were created for. When you can move that powerful Goddess energy through you, and manifest it in your life, you are not going to stand by for anything. You will see that green light, and hold that pink Goddess aura all through your being. You won’t have to react from a defensive shadow, or defenseless maid, but from within your own place of balanced creation and manifestation. In short, you will know what you truly want, and that you shall have, because you will create it. I don’t know if this man will be part of what you create. But I do know that when you work with this energy, you will no longer question if you should wait. Be well!

Original Wounds and the Present

Dear Kelley, I have been married for almost nine years and I have two small children. Right after we celebrated our four year old’s birthday, we stopped speaking to each other and it’s been almost two weeks. It all started after we took a mini vacation so that our four year old could go on a train ride. Needless to say, our 16 month old was teething and we did not get any sleep while on vacation. Normally, this would just blow over, but my husband was angry enough with me to just stop all communication. It’s strange because life seems to go on pretty well without much input from him. I do miss help with the children, but I am worried that this is the beginning of the end. I’m not even sure what I should wish for. Sincerely, Laurie

Hi Laurie! Thanks for your note! First off, I would like to clarify that when I do a soul reading for someone, it is the guides of the client that I work with primarily, not mine. My guides are there to protect and ground me, but information about you is coming from your guides. They show me whatever it is that they want you to know about the situation at hand, or life in general.

When I ask your guides for insight into that trip and the interaction that brought about the silent treatment, I see one of your guides, a female, creating a fanning motion in the atmosphere around her–almost like she is massaging the environment around you. This is her way of showing me that she is intentionally stirring up the energy in your life–in relationships, internally and externally. She is trying to wake you to something, or deal with a dynamic between you and your husband, or in some way related to intimate bonding, that existed well before the vacation incident.

When I ask her what that incident is/was, I see her holding an infant, a female. This baby is a spirit “child”, who was born and died. However this manifests in your life, what I am seeing is that a silence that occurred during some loss of a close female child in your and/or your husband’s life is what is influencing your relationship with him now. In other words, the sense of loss felt in that experience by you and/or your husband was triggered in the exchange while you were on vacation. The specific trigger in that exchange was your husband feeling that he was not being heard, or was unable to express his emotions about the situation. Was he at some point unable to grieve with external support the passing of a female child in his life? That original wound is the one really being felt right now, not a current exchange. I also have a very strong sense of both of you dealing with deep emotional states, such as grief, in isolation of each other, not in a collectively supportive way. The silence of each of you seems to influence the wound to grow.

When I ask the guide and the child what needs to occur here, I am led to take the child to Spirit. It seems that her not fully moving over created part of the inability of you and/or your husband to release this emotional “silence” dynamic. The guide indicates that there is still work to be done between you and your husband, and how that progresses is up to each of you individually, and collectively. You have both in your way been stunted by this wound, and it’s created distance between you. However, this is the point that you can create of that wound a deeper connection between the two of you, and more functional emotional outlets individually. Be well, Laurie!

Spiritually Preparing for Surgery

Good afternoon, My name is Josée. I am scheduled for surgery on June 23 2004 and am getting quite nervous. Any insight on your part would be great. Thank you! Josée

Hi Josée. Thanks for your note! Upon asking your guides about this surgery, I see that you are very much protected and cared for. I see 7 spirits, guides and loved ones who are in the spirit world now, attending you through this period. They literally, physically assist your body in remembering healthy function, and assist your soul in facilitating its own reconnection to the body after surgery. Not only does the body have its unique connection to your soul and Higher Power, but every individual cell does. Many people with Hyperhidrosis condition also suffer from excessive hand sweating. It is at this level of awareness that you must be at this time. Surgery affects not just the physical, but the etheric body, which is the term I use to summarize the entire manifestation of a creature that is in this realm, and simultaneously is in other realms. Where surgery alters the physical form, particularly when things are removed from it, that etheric body part still remains needing care and acknowledgement.

Take great care to be as present as you can during this time, doing a great deal of affirming self-talk. Now more than ever you must co-create with your Higher Power your place of health. The part of you that is one with All That Is creates your existence. How you speak is very important to how you think and view yourself, as how you view yourself is the way you manifest in your life. You must manifest as the light creature that you are, but before you can do that, you must KNOW that you are that light creature. Pay attention to how you talk to your Higher Power. Instead of asking for outcomes (Please let my surgery go well) and focusing on things you feel you don’t have, (Please give me strength), focus on the innate soul qualities that you possess, and ALWAYS HAVE POSSESSED. When you ask for things, the emphasis is on the asking, the LACK of having, not the receiving. Not acknowledging what you already have as one of Spirit comes out as a lack of faith that you already embody what you need. You know that you are already high on the list of priorities of your Higher Power. You don’t have to ask for that. But do acknowledge it, so that you can fully manifest your health. You can manifest those soul qualities by changing how you speak, which changes how you think. For instance, in your meditative state, you might say, “With my Higher Power’s assistance I command my natural strength manifest in my life.” Or simply, “Thank you for my good health and wellness.” In both of those statements, rather than coming from a place of want or desparation, the emphasis is on honoring and acknowledging what you already have. The emphasis is on faith in yourself and your Higher Power.

Actively call on your guides and Higher Power to help you hold yourself in the highest place that you can for healing to occur. Particularly after surgery, take great care to ask your guides and Higher Power to send light to the surgery area. Visualize the color of the light, letting the color be whatever it needs to be. Let the light fill your body, and see it doing so.

I see you after surgery, incredibly renewed, in a way that changes your perspective on how you live. I see a shift in your approach to physical health, but also in how you look at life and feel about it. In one regard, this shift manifests for you in an artistic expression. I see you working with elements, literally earth and water–clay–putting this new perspective into creations that you share with the world. This artistic expression is one way you touch the lives of others, passing on this bright perspective. In this creative act, there is also the message that you know how to nourish yourself on all levels. You know how to live well, which is truly a rare thing. Celebrate it! You are in my thoughts, Josée. Everything is fine. =)